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BEVERLY HILL, CA – After several decades of recurrent episodes of Hulkamania, retired pro-wrestler Hulk Hogan has been formally diagnosed with his first episode of Hulkadepression.

“With both episodes of Hulkamania and Hulkadepression, he actually meets criteria for Hulkabipolar disorder,” explained psychiatrist Dr. Gene Terry, who added that the Hulkaspectrum of mental illnesses was recently added to the DSM-5. “He admits he has lost interest in performing atomic leg drops.”

Details are slowly emerging. It appears Hulk Hogan overdosed on ibuprofen leading to Hulkacute kidney injury and Hulkakalemia requiring emergent Hulkadialysis.

Thankfully, Gomerblog has been told that Hogan is Hulking up and should fully recover. He has, however, not yet regained enough strength to tear off his hospital gown.

He is a HulkaDNR.

Image courtesy of Megan Elice Meadows/Wikimedia Commons; edited for size.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.