Thursday, April 25, 2024

Emergency Medicine

medical school teaching

Medical Schools to Replace Curriculum with Year-Long Course in ICD-10 and E&M Coding

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In a visionary statement, the deans of ten of this nation’s top medical schools, including four Ivy League schools announced today that they are replacing their schools’ entire 3rd-year curriculum with an intensive year-long...
couple kissing

Physician Foreplay 101: How to Seduce Your Doctor

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Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom. Emergency Medicine Go skydiving to get the adrenaline going.  Speed home.  Once there, run upstairs and cut...
hospital door cms

New CMS Guideline: Door-to-Dilaudid Time

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WOODLAWN, MD - Today the Center for Medical Surveys (CMS) announced a radical change to benchmarking and patient satisfaction surveys.  Realizing the opportunity to capture more data while ensuring emergency medicine physicians meet patient’s...

Local Hospital Has New Policy: Ask for Dilaudid, Get Dilaudid, No Questions Asked

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COLUMBUS, OH - A local hospital is trying a new, controversial but more efficient approach to medical care.  “We have changed our guidelines, if you want Dilaudid you get Dilaudid, if you want Valium, you...
hospital administrator

Hospital Administrators Chastise Emergency, Surgical & Medical Staff for Patient Satisfaction Scores Lagging Behind...

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BOCA RATON, FL - Staff from three departments - Emergency, Surgery & Internal Medicine - received scathing criticism from hospital administrators at today's monthly meeting for allowing their patient satisfaction scores to "lag behind" the...

ER Catchphrases Guaranteed to Get Consultants to Come into the ER

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LAS VEGAS, NV – Last Friday was the conclusion of the 18th annual meeting of the High-rolling Emergency Medicine Physicians (HEMP) association. Aside from several heaters at the craps table, HEMP President Dr. Cray...
north korea hackers

North Korea Hacks ER Pyxis Machines Nationwide, Renders Them Unable to Dispense Dilaudid

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WASHINGTON, DC - The White House has announced that North Korea has successfully hacked yet another electronic staple of American life – the drug-dispensing Pyxis machines.  Americans were recently outraged and appalled when Sony Pictures...
ambulance

Patient Learns She Can Come to ER Without Calling an Ambulance

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LEXINGTON, KY - Sarah Johnson was recently seen at County Hospital's Emergency Department for the fourteenth time this year for an itchy rash on her arms, legs, and trunk. Every time she has gone...

Commentary: Percocet Doesn’t Work for Me Because It Has Tylenol, and Tylenol Doesn’t Help...

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Thanks but no thanks.  Percocet (oxycodone/acetaminophen) doesn’t work for me.  Why?  Isn’t it obvious?  You’re the one with the medical degree and you don’t even know?  Well let me explain it to you.  Percocet...
man eating and smoking

Hospital Merges with Fast Food, Tobacco Companies to ‘Stay Competitive’

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CHICAGO, IL - As you pass by the ER entrance at Cook County Hospital, the unmistakable aroma of grease, processed burgers, and cigarette smoke fills the air.  Patients loiter outside smoking and proceed inside...