Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest pain “like a human sitting on my chest,” with radiation...
Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Citing expert opinion and personal experience, the American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has put forth new recommendations on the pain stimulus - a technique used by health care providers to assess...
American Academy of Drug Seekers Releases 2016 ED Pain Management Guidelines
BALTIMORE, MD - Acknowledging that the nationwide effort to reduce opiate abuse in the ED has led to dangerous levels of undertreatment among their constituency, the American Academy of Drug Seekers (AADS) has released...
New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain
ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into their diagnostic decision making algorithm. The high costs of abdominal...
ED Study Links Volume of Screaming to Patient’s Level of Pain
SAN ANTONIO, TX - In a landmark study published in this month's Annals of Emergency Medicine, researchers from an emergency department in Sarasota, Florida have found evidence of a link between the decibel level of a patient's...
Clutch: Resident Places A-Line Into Circle of Willis
ATLANTA, GA - In the same way patients can be progressively difficult sticks from the venous standpoint, the same holds true for their arteries. Thankfully one determined ICU resident didn't let...
Breaking: Turns Out the Patient’s Name Really is John Doe
NASHVILLE, TN - Well, it was bound to happen one day: members of the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Vanderbilt University have realized that their comatose patient assigned the name John Doe until...
ER Doc Closes Papercut with 14 Stitches to Protect Gang Member’s Street Cred
Los Angeles, CA- Jose “Mierda Verde” Sinhuevos is one of the most feared member of the West Hollywood Nacho Libre Street gang.
Last week while reading his the latest issue of the Chulo Weekly newsletter,...
Hospital Reimbursement to Reflect Number of Positive Posts on Social Media
Mr. Smith had just been discharged from his local hospital after a 6-day stay for detox, anxiety, failure to thrive, and chronic pain. He was not happy at all and felt his needs had...
Uber Boston Announces New Service in Partnership with Ambulance Drivers
BOSTON, MA – Ride-share company, Uber recently announced a new service in Boston called UberEMS. The new pilot program will only be available to those with MassHealth, Medicare or Medicaid. There will apparently be...
