Saturday, January 2, 2021

Nursing Student

Nursing student satire


Study Finds Needle Anxiety Worsens with Tattoos

BALTIMORE, MD - Johns Hopkins researchers published a shocking new study in this month's New England Journal of Medicine showing a correlation between the quantity, location, and type of tattoos on a patient's body...
trespasses, nurses station

Doctor Trespasses into Nurses Station, Shot on Sight

NORFOLK, VA - Internist Jeff Jenkins is face down and comatose on the fourth floor of Norfolk Medical Center after being shot in the buttocks with a Haldol blowdart this morning for trespassing into the nurses...
Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Pyxis

Pyxis Replaces Lin-Manuel Miranda in “Hamilton”

NEW YORK, NY - It's official: Lin-Manuel Miranda's replacement in the critically-acclaimed Broadway smash "Hamilton" is none other than the beloved Pyxis MedStation System, who steps into the role of Hamilton on July 11.  Miranda's...
nursing diagnosis

Is Your Nurse Trying To Hook Up With You?

Being admitted as a patient can be a scary and vulnerable time. Why not take this opportunity to get laid in your hospital bed, reverse Trendelenberg style! Talk about a rush of blood to...
call room

After Successful Renovation, New Call Room is Now Optimized to Cause Full-On Depression

JACKSONVILLE, FL - Convinced that being on-call isn't difficult enough in its own right, hospital administrators at Jacksonville Medical Center have successfully completed renovation of its call room such that is "as devoid of hope as ever"...

Uber Offers In-Hospital Patient Transport with UberGURNEY

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Uber’s success knows no bounds. After infiltrating cities across the world with their groundbreaking online-based transportation service, Uber is infiltrating hospital buildings with their new fleet of UberGURNEY vehicles, giving...

Radiologist Adds Arrow Signs To Group Tinder Photos

  Dr. David Strand, a practicing radiologist for 10 years, has recently expanded his 40 hour workweek by helping dating hopefuls navigate the popular dating app Tinder. By adding arrow signs to group photos, Strand...
arterial line circle of willis CPR emergency department butthurt audacity code shift change prior authorization otherwise stable

So Rude: Patient Has the Audacity to Code at Shift Change

ORLANDO, FL - In one of the most selfish acts of which Gomerblog has heard in recent memory, a 72-year-old male patient admitted last night to the 43 med-surg unit of Orlando Medical Center...

New Medical Unit Quiet Hours Now From 3 PM to 2:59 PM

NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has extended its quiet hours, which will now take...

Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence

WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway.  Scrub hat and surgical mask, check.  Full breakfast and adequate hydration to prevent passing out and taking a bite...