Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Pediatrics

monkeys jumping on the bed

After 9 Head Trauma Calls, The Doctor is ‘Furious’

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BATTLE CREEK, MI – Family doctor, William Turncoat, was visibly upset after slamming the phone down.  "That’s the ninth time today I’ve told her… I tell her same thing every time.  You’d think after the second...
pediatric consult

Pediatrics Consulted for Adult Temper Tantrum on 5 West

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El PASO, TX – Yesterday, at approximately 2:34 pm, on the 5th floor of Holy Cross Hospital, a STAT pediatrics consult was called in for a 58-year-old adult male who was experiencing one of the...
obstetrician sued

Obstetrician Sued When Adolescent Son Turns Out to Be ‘A Disappointment’

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SAN JOSE, CA - Obstetrician Dr. Ambika Kumar has found herself in a lawsuit claiming over $14 million in damages by local aggrieved parents. Shari and Mike Berger report that Dr. Kumar delivered their son, Brendan,...
vaccines

Big Pharma Admits They’re Just Trying to Kill Everybody with Vaccines

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what is being hailed as a huge victory for the anti-vaccine movement, Big Pharma announced to the world today that they've been fooling everyone all along, that vaccines don’t work, and...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

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NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating their pies on Thanksgiving Day where only the chosen are able...

Mutated Pediatric Names Linked to Higher Mortality

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ATLANTA, GA - The lead article in this month’s Journal of Pediatric Critical Care started with a few simple observations. "I had two patients in my ICU simultaneously," said lead author Dr. Jessica Kantor.  "Both...
googling medical symptoms

Study: 4th Graders with Google Better Doctors Than 96% of New Medical Student Graduates

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - A new study published last week in Barney and Friends magazine revealed that 4th graders, if given a computer with internet search access, were superior in medical knowledge, diagnosis, and cost effectiveness, than 96% of...

Hospital Approves Giving Parents Medication Before Children’s Surgery

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HOUSTON, TX - Last week, Children's General Hospital approved a new medication protocol to assist children undergoing surgical procedures.  Anxiolytic medication, such as midazolam, can now be administered to parents to children headed to...

Local Mom Decides Against New Brake Pads

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MICHIGAN - Local mom, Jennifer Leeders, brought in her Acura MDX for its annual maintenance.  Her mechanic recommended new brake pads, a routine recommendation.  "I saw they were getting low and I mentioned this...

Pediatrician About to Call Surgery to Lay Hands on Another Punky-Looking Kiddo

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2AM, KNOXVILLE, TN - According to seventh floor pediatrics ward sources, local pediatrician and hospitalist Dr. Jerry Dirkins is about to call for another surgery consult on a patient who looks a little "punky"...