Maternity Wards Stockpile Billions of Diapers to Prepare for Onslaught of Pandemic Babies
NEW YORK, NY—Not wanting to get caught with egg on their faces or poop in their hands, maternity wards throughout New York City have...
Citing Health Benefits, New Parents Eating Umbilical Cord Stumps
“From the moment I gazed into Andromeda’s perfect eyes, I knew I wanted only the best for her,” says new mom Rochelle Wilson. “Her...
Veterinarians to Care for Children
DES MOINES, IA - Citing the growing shortage of pediatricians and family medicine doctors in rural areas, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is set...
League of Pediatricians Lobbying For New ICD-10 Codes: ‘Probably a Virus’ & ‘First-Time Mother’
In light of the new ICD-10 roll out, the League of Pediatricians has come forth with a mission statement set to dispel the requirement...
FDA Approves OxyContin for Kids Tall Enough to Get on This Ride
PHARM WATER KINGDOM, FL - Acknowledging the importance for safe medicine in children, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recently approved the potent painkiller OxyContin...
American Academy of Pediatrics Announces That Whatever You’re Doing Probably Fine
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise announcement early this morning, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released a new recommendation stating that whatever you’re...
After Seeing 22 Patients in 90 Minutes, Area Pediatrician Rehearses for Her Eventual Last...
“I thought about running directly into traffic,” says Dr. Jane Smith of her state of mind after seeing 22 walk-in patients in 90 minutes....
97% of World’s Graham Cracker Supply Located in Hospital Drawers, White Coat Pockets
BOUND BROOK, NJ - A study in the latest issue of the New England Journal of Snack Foods (NEJSF) has confirmed that 97% of...
Medical Specialties as Disney Characters
Anesthesia - Rafiki from The Lion King. Most of the rest of us have no clue what the hell you are doing with all...
Parent Uses Landmark Paper ‘No Difference in Scrape Healing Placebo Vs. Band-Aid’ Without Success
OMAHA, NE - Local resident Amy Shoemaker has tried to inform her children over and over that Band-Aids applied to only superficial wounds make...