Pediatrics

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Reminder: ‘Sleep Tight and Definitely Do Not Let the Bed Bugs Bite’

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ATLANTA, GA - Tonight, shortly after reading the public a bedtime story, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) wanted to say "Good night!"...
pediatric er

League of Pediatricians Lobbying For New ICD-10 Codes: ‘Probably a Virus’ & ‘First-Time Mother’

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In light of the new ICD-10 roll out, the League of Pediatricians has come forth with a mission statement set to dispel the requirement...

Presidential Election Medical Memes

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NICU Patient Graduates High School

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ST. LOUIS, MO – It’s a special occasion in the life of J’ramyah Boba Fett, as he overcomes the odds stacked against him by...
anti vaccine brain

Mutations in the Anti-Vaxxers’ Brain Discovered

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Scientists have made a major breakthrough in understanding the brain functions of anti-vaccine proponents (anti-vaxxers).  Mutations in the Y74 gene encode for these transformations.  Environmental...
family eating

Hand Sanitizers with Mom’s Saliva: What You Need to Know

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ATLANTA, GA - It is generally accepted that hand-washing with soap and water is the best way to reduce microbes and avoid infections.  Hand...

Formula Reviews by Former NICU Babies

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“Similac Pro-Advance, complete nutrition for a baby’s first year… with added a 2’-FL Human Milk Oligosaccharide…an immune-nourishing prebiotic that circulates through the body,” –...
sterile stuffed animals

Pediatric Procedure Kits to Feature Sterile Stuffed Animals

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ORLANDO, FL - The latest guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend that pediatric procedure kits be standardized to include sterile stuffed animals...

Mutated Pediatric Names Linked to Higher Mortality

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ATLANTA, GA - The lead article in this month’s Journal of Pediatric Critical Care started with a few simple observations. "I had two patients in...
vaccination

Breaking: Reports Emerge About An Uneventful MMR Vaccination

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ROCHESTER, NY - In what was internationally hailed as a medical first, doctors at Mount Saint Mary Mercy Hospital announced they are confident a...