Pediatrics

baby ADHD

Enfamil with Adderall Approved for Infantile ADHD

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LEXINGTON, MA -  Spiral Pharmaceuticals has paired with baby formula giant Enfamil to create the world’s first amphetamine-fortified formula, which will treat a newly...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Announces Mandatory Journal Club on Vaccines for All Americans

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control announced in a press release today that they would be holding a mandatory journal club about vaccines....
elderly lady

100-Year-Old Finally Ready for Discharge from NICU

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CENTENNIAL, CO—Yesterday, a 1200-month-old newborn, Sandy Genarian, was finally discharged from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of Centennial Medical Center, where he has been...

Mutated Pediatric Names Linked to Higher Mortality

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ATLANTA, GA - The lead article in this month’s Journal of Pediatric Critical Care started with a few simple observations. "I had two patients in...
Lego foot pain Dilaudid

CDC Recommends IV Dilaudid to Treat Foot Pain Caused by Stepping on a Stray...

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ATLANTA, GA - Finally acknowledging it as the most painful thing a human being can ever experience, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)...
pope francis blessing

Who Received Pope Francis’ Blessing?

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Many people know that Pope Francis has been visiting the United States.  However, not many people realize that he has stopped by numerous healthcare...

Pediatrician About to Call Surgery to Lay Hands on Another Punky-Looking Kiddo

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2AM, KNOXVILLE, TN - According to seventh floor pediatrics ward sources, local pediatrician and hospitalist Dr. Jerry Dirkins is about to call for another...

Medical Professions as NFL Teams

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Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.   Orthopaedics are the...
monkeys jumping on the bed

After 9 Head Trauma Calls, The Doctor is ‘Furious’

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BATTLE CREEK, MI – Family doctor, William Turncoat, was visibly upset after slamming the phone down.  "That’s the ninth time today I’ve told her… I tell...
preschool

Preschool Teacher & Physician-Mom Have Differing Medical Opinions

Dr. Linda Richman received the dreaded phone call from her 4 year-old daughter’s preschool a mere 15 minutes after the 9 AM drop-off by...