Pediatrics

Medical Professions as NFL Teams

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Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.   Orthopaedics are the...
oxy coaster

FDA Approves OxyContin for Kids Tall Enough to Get on This Ride

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PHARM WATER KINGDOM, FL - Acknowledging the importance for safe medicine in children, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recently approved the potent painkiller OxyContin...
Lego foot pain Dilaudid

CDC Recommends IV Dilaudid to Treat Foot Pain Caused by Stepping on a Stray...

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ATLANTA, GA - Finally acknowledging it as the most painful thing a human being can ever experience, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)...

Formula Reviews by Former NICU Babies

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“Similac Pro-Advance, complete nutrition for a baby’s first year… with added a 2’-FL Human Milk Oligosaccharide…an immune-nourishing prebiotic that circulates through the body,” –...
botox injection

Local Mom Meets Fellow Anti-Vaxxer at Botox Clinic

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CHARLOTTE, NC - Charlotte mom Sarah Catherine Murdoch, 34, was delighted to make a new friend after striking up a conversation with another patron...
baby

Women’s Hospital Launches New Baby-Unfriendly Initiative

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To combat a steep revenue drop at the Women and Infant’s Hospital, CEO Dr. Trevor Casein has launched a new baby-unfriendly initiative to reduce...

American Academy of Pediatrics Increase Recommended Age for Car Seats to 17

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PHILADELPHIA, PA – New recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), printed in this month's issue of Pediatrics, will further change the way...

Nasogastric Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts Recommended for Children Who Refuse to Eat Vegetables

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With parents struggling to get their kids to eat their vegetables, some doctors have developed a new workaround. “We used to just use nasogastric (NG)...

New Study Shows Father’s Breast Milk Improves Babies’ Intelligence over Mother’s Breast Milk

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DENVER, CO – AstraZeneca recently announced that its new drug, Milkaman, was approved by the FDA for male breastfeeding.  This novel drug causes pectoral muscle cells in...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Reminder: ‘Sleep Tight and Definitely Do Not Let the Bed Bugs Bite’

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ATLANTA, GA - Tonight, shortly after reading the public a bedtime story, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) wanted to say "Good night!"...