Pediatrics

baby

Women’s Hospital Launches New Baby-Unfriendly Initiative

0
To combat a steep revenue drop at the Women and Infant’s Hospital, CEO Dr. Trevor Casein has launched a new baby-unfriendly initiative to reduce...
clown doctor

Doctor Finds New Life As A Clown More Fulfilling

0
Pediatrician Jim Smith is thrilled with his new career as a professional Clown. He specializes in children’s birthday parties but has the skill set...

Newborn Nursery’s Infant Capacity Increases 50% by Hiring Former Tetris Champion

0
ATLANTA, GA – The Newborn Nursery at Swedish Covenant Hospital has seen a dramatic increase in their patient capacity after hiring a former Tetris...
lightsaber

Vader Pharmaceuticals Introduces New EpiLightsaber for Anaphylaxis

33
DEATH STAR II - In response to the growing prevalence of food allergies among employees of the evil Galactic Empire, Vader Pharmaceuticals have announced...
doc

Doc McStuffins Forced to Resign Due to Dismal Patient Satisfaction Scores

36
ORLANDO, FL - Children across America are devastated after news broke today that Doc McStuffins will not be asked back for another season.  Disney...

Vaping Company Denies New Breastmilk-Flavored E-Cigarette Targets Newborn

0
SEATTLE, WA—A Seattle-based vaping company has been forced into damage control amidst claims that its new e-cigarette targets newborns. The basis for the claims...
reward stickers

Stickers for Drug Seekers Program Gaining Momentum

17
CHARLESTON, SC - An innovative new program implemented at Charleston Clinic is successfully deterring patients suspected of having drug-seeking behavior from returning to their healthcare system,...
Shkreli & Bresch

Breaking: Martin Shkreli & Heather Bresch Are A**holes

0
NEW YORK, NY - In a candid interview on CBS News yesterday, Martin Shkreli admitted that "Yes, Heather Bresch and I are a**holes."  Mylan...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children

0
ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against...
disney requires vaccinations

Disney Parks Now Require Immunization Record for Admittance

4
ORLANDO, FL - In a bold and unprecedented response to the recent measles outbreak at Disneyland, Disney execs announced yesterday that they will institute...