Ortho Consulted to Repair Broken Wishbone
NASHVILLE, TN - Orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley was consulted last night after the wishbone of an 18-lb. turkey was shattered by two members of the James family during Thanksgiving dinner.
"This makes me so angry," said...
Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters
As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are:
Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.
...
Orthopods Reclassified as Bromo Sapiens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In their first update in nearly two years, the American Taxonomy Society (ATS) has placed arthropods under their own genus, formally renaming them Bromo sapiens.
"There's no doubt if Carl Linnaeus was...
Boxing Day Returns: Admitting Services May Return 1 Unwanted Holiday Admission to the ER
HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA - McMaster University has been at the forefront of Canadian Medical research progress (pronounced pro-gress north of the border) since shortly after its founding in 1887. Now, the Marauders are transitioning into...
Describe This Pencil by Medical Specialty
Your specialty of choice fosters a certain way of doing things. We polled residents from several different specialties and asked them to describe this pencil.
Family Medicine: I’m already behind on my descriptions for four...
Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions
CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans, in particular health care providers, as he announced his plan...
Warriors Fans Suffering Chest Pain Radiating from Steph Curry’s Sprained Knee
OAKLAND, CA - Sharpshooter Stephen Curry has officially suffered a sprained right MCL, which is so painful that it is in fact radiating to the chest of every Golden State Warriors fan in the country.
Curry...
Sticks & Stones Didn’t Break Area Man’s Bones, Words Did
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Local Ralph Merriam is one lucky man. Thanks to his medical team and over six hours of emergent surgery, Merriam is now recovering at Birmingham Medical Center after an altercation and...
Small-Armed Orthopaedic Surgeon Assigned to Pediatric Fellowship
DETROIT, MI – Dr. Timothy Billroy was assigned to a pediatric fellowship due to what his program director stated: small arms. “I mean the dude clearly doesn’t work out. If you want to hang...
Hospital’s Electronic Health Record to Be Replaced by New, Efficient ‘Paper Chart’ System
NEW YORK, NY – Citing slow load times, confusing menu structure, and overall frustration with the user interface, St. Barnaby’s Hospital has announced that the old electronic health record (EHR) will be replaced with a...