New Sub-Zero ORs Trialed: Orthopedic Surgeon Still Asking for Temperature Turned Down
CHICAGO, IL - In an effort to remove excess body heat that orthopedic surgeons generate, OR manufacturer Slyker has paired with refrigerator maker Frigid-Air to market the first sub-zero operating room.
Recent studies have shown...
Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions
CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans, in particular health care providers, as he announced his plan...
New Surgical-Themed Starbucks Drinks
The highly successful sales campaign of Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino has got the Starbucks’ marketing team all fired up and ready to target another demographic of artisan beverage drinkers.
“Now that a sizable number of children...
Synthesis Introduces New Product Line, Instant Hit with Orthopaedic Surgeons
CHESTER, PA - Orthopaedic instrument and implant manufacturer Synthesis recently introduced a new product line that has quickly become the most coveted product line in the company’s history. Brainchild of the new Synthesis-DoYouEvenLiftÔ series,...
Orthopedic Library is Actually just a Gym
A detailed undercover investigation has discovered that the orthopedic library is merely just a gym in disguise. The signs should have been obvious in retrospect, as many an orthopedic resident was seen leaving...
Boxing Day Returns: Admitting Services May Return 1 Unwanted Holiday Admission to the ER
HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA - McMaster University has been at the forefront of Canadian Medical research progress (pronounced pro-gress north of the border) since shortly after its founding in 1887. Now, the Marauders are transitioning into...
Ortho Outraged Pharmacy Doesn’t Carry Methicillin, Wonders How to Treat Patient with MSSA
WOONSOCKET, RI - Despite numerous cultures coming back as Methicillin Sensitive Staph aureus, most pharmacies no longer carry the ancient antibiotic.
This hasn't been an issue for most services in most hospitals across the country....
Resident’s White Coat Shortened in New Public Shaming Tactic
HOUSTON, TX - In an imaginative new tactic to publicly shame his residents, orthopedic surgeon Dr. Scott Winslow has started reducing the length of his resident’s white coats for each mistake made.
"It all started after a...
Area Emergency Physician Successfully Manages Gout Without Consultation
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Confetti is raining down from the ceilings as emergency medicine physician Deion Gnosis is being congratulated for diagnosing and treating a patient with an oft-confusing medical condition completely on...
Op Note: ‘Successful Despite Complete Blood Loss’
BIRMINGHAM, AL - With the exception of complete and total blood loss, today's routine total left hip arthroplasty was a resounding success devoid of complications, according to orthopedic surgeon Brie Hammersley.
"We're pleased to...