Surgeon General Finishes Rounding on 320 Million Americans, Dreads Writing Notes
WASHINGTON, DC - Late last night a very visibly tired Surgeon General of the United States Vivek Murthy finally finished rounding on every American in the United States, a patient list of about 320...
Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score
JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval. Typically when a...
Yiddish to Be Introduced Into Official Medical Terminology
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The Language Council of Hospitals and Institutions of Medicine (LCHAIM) announced yesterday that a number of commonly used Yiddish terms have been approved as acceptable medical terminology. This practice, already commonplace...
New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”
CARY, NC - In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside Raleigh now require nursing staff to provide a “happy ending”...
Hospital Mandates Nurses Wear Yellow Safety Belts While Checking Out Pyxis Medications
NORFOLK, VA - Hospital administrators want to crack down on medication errors and they are willing to go to any length to do it. New studies show that many medication errors occur as nurses...
Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms
ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he focused his hollow stare into the middle of his desk,...
Anatomy of the Ear
Other anatomy lessons:
- Anatomy of a Contact Precaution Stethoscope
- Anatomy of a Pager
- Anatomy of an American Football
Female Medical Student Looking Forward to Graduating and Being Called Miss
ALBANY, NY - Annabell Mittelschmerz is relishing the thought of graduating medical school in 10 short months and starting an extremely rewarding 5 years as a general surgery intern. But more than that is...
AMA Holds Funeral Service for Physical Exam
The American Medical Association held a large funeral service today in honor of the Physical Exam, which passed away earlier this month after a decade-long battle with obscurity. The funeral was well attended by...
Surgeons Declare “Surgery Not Indicated in 2017”
CHICAGO, IL - Close the operating rooms! Surgeons worldwide have declared that "surgery is not indicated in 2017," instead calling this upcoming year "the year of conservative management." This announcement comes after widespread concerns...
