Framingham Heart Study Researchers Release New Risk Score Abacus
FRAMINGHAM, MA - Boasting that it will be easier than ever to estimate the 10- and 30-year cardiovascular risk of an individual, principle investigators at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) &...
Neurosurgery Intern Eager for First Solo Case: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease Biopsy
KANSAS CITY, KS - Two weeks out of medical school, newly-minted neurosurgery intern Bill Magoo is already getting his first solo operative case and he is elated.
“Everyone says in the interview, ‘Oh we will...
Debtflix: View School Debt On-Demand Anytime, Anywhere
LOS GATOS, CA - Netflix, a leading provider of subscription-based on-demand streaming media to over 70 million people worldwide, revealed a new service called Debtflix, allowing health care practitioners to view their graduate school...
Rookie Mistake: July Intern Grabs Cup of Decaf Coffee, Defeats the Purpose Entirely
NASHVILLE, TN - In a situation that can be described in no other way but shocking, neophyte July intern Elena Sanchez grabbed a cup of decaf coffee - yup, you read that correctly: DECAFFEINATED...
FDA Approves OxyContin for Kids Tall Enough to Get on This Ride
PHARM WATER KINGDOM, FL - Acknowledging the importance for safe medicine in children, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recently approved the potent painkiller OxyContin for children who are "yay high." Doctors have already been...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of Caucasian. The orange hue of his face is actually due...
Anesthesiologist Admits He Irons His Drapes Before Every Case
ATLANTA, GA - Anyone who has ever worked in an Atlanta Medical Center operating room (OR) with anesthesiologist Rick Rickson notices the same thing: How does he get that drape separating himself from the...
Hospital Discontinues MRI Screening Forms, Press-Ganey Scores Soar
In a presentation to the American Association of Gullible Hospital Administrators, Shady Practices Medical Centers reported that as a result of numerous satisfaction surveys, the organization has eliminated the screening practices necessary to get...
Radiologists Jubilate: ‘Stable Exam’ Added to Radiodiagnostic Codes
In what many radiologists are dubbing 'the greatest advance in radiology since the CT scanner', the American Society of Radiology added 'stable exam' to the list of acceptable codes.
Dr. Reddy A. Shun has been...
Transfer Records Lacking Hundreds of Useless Pages
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Dr. Rajiv Katar, a physician at Philadelphia General Hospital, was astonished on Friday to receive transfer records that included a discharge summary – and only that – lacking the usual several-hundred-page...
