Blood Bank to Require More Paperwork, First-Born Child to Release Blood Products
GREENSBORO, NC - In an effort to cut down on costly blood product utilization, hospital administrators at Rocky High Hospital have put pressure on their blood bank to “regulate their blood products more efficiently.”...
The Fantasy Google Electronic Medical Record Vs. Reality
Maybe Google needs to be hired for the next generation of electronic medical records. Most of us would appreciate these new changes.
Dear BaconSpeak Voice Recognition Software Company
I am an emergent see room dock door. I am righting to let you no how much eye am in joying your voice recognition software. Just like your sails man promised, it is a...
The Epic EHR Bartender
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace!
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Pick from this list.
Patron: Hmm… I’ll have a Mirror Pond.
Epic: What size?
Patron: It comes in...
Three-Sentence Discharge Summary For Six-Month Hospitalization
ROME, GA - Doctors and hospital administrators are lauding what has been called a "breakthrough in succinctness," as a patient discharged after six months in the hospital presented to his primary care provider with a...
Alternate Phrases for “This is a Very Pleasant…”
It’s not uncommon to start a history of present illness (HPI), assessment, or discharge summary with the following phrase: This is a very pleasant… and then go on to say 30-year-old male, 54-year-old female,...
Boring PowerPoints New Leading Cause of Death Among Health Care Practitioners
ATLANTA, GA - A new study published in the latest issue of the Journal of Small Font & Uninteresting Topics (JSFUT) revealed that sinfully boring PowerPoint presentations is now the leading cause of death...
DaVinci Code Solved by Doctors Searching Through ICD-10
Stored in argon-filled glass booths guarded over by monks in the cavernous secret library below the Center for Medicare Services, exist a series of nine prophecies known only as "the ICD." The meaning of ICD...
What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 2
This is a continuation from our first post: What "Thank You for the Interesting Consult" Really Means, Part 1. Let’s go!
Nutrition
Translation: Like it or not, I’m recommending a multivitamin.
OB/GYN
Translation: Not another pelvic exam for...
What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 1
Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult. What does that really mean? In the first of a two-part series, our GomerBlog translators will help break down...