Wednesday, July 1, 2020


heavy metal

Heavy Metal Now First Line in Treatment of Symptomatic Bradycardia

DALLAS, TX - New advanced cardiac life support (ACLS) guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) now recommends heavy metal as the first line treatment of symptomatic bradycardia. "Last...

DIY Furniture Assembly Stress Test Validated in Landmark Trial

PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA - Researchers at the Outback University Hospital have presented data from their landmark DIY-IKEA trial this week, illustrating the benefit of building DIY home furniture as a novel cardiac stress test. The...
telemetry tele

Playing It Safe: Telemetry Box Placed on Tele

BALTIMORE, MD - Suffering potentially anything from low batteries to a life-threatening cardiac arrhythmia, a hospitalist at The Hoppin' Johns Hospital in Baltimore is playing it safe by placing his patient's telemetry box on...

Breaking: Wandering Atrial Pacemaker Gets a New Home

The American Journal of Borderline Interesting Cardiology published today that a wandering atrial pacemaker has finally been settled in a permanent location. Dr. Amy Oderorone, project leader commented: "While not a serious medical condition,...
Framingham Risk Score Abacus

Framingham Heart Study Researchers Release New Risk Score Abacus

FRAMINGHAM, MA - Boasting that it will be easier than ever to estimate the 10- and 30-year cardiovascular risk of an individual, principle investigators at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) &...
routine ECG

ECG Tech Rejoices: ECG Ordered as ‘Routine’

DURHAM, NC - ECG (electrocardiogram) tech Joy Foreman rejoiced as she came upon a true rarity today when it comes to the world of diagnostic cardiac tests: an ECG that was ordered as routine.  “Never in...

New DSM to Classify Hearing Diastolic Murmur as an Auditory Hallucination

DUBUQUE, IA - Following a growing number of reports on the deteriorating mental health among doctors, the American Psychiatric Association decided to tackle the issue through the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical...

Patient Suffers “Partial” Cardiac Arrest

BOSTON, MA—After years of seeing patients who were reported in the news media to have been found in “full cardiac arrest,” emergency physicians at Doctors University Hospital are stunned to see the first ever...
tilt table

Breaking: Tilt Table All Crooked & Sh*t

ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, hospitalists, cardiologists, and neurologists at Emory Healthcare have come to a rare consensus, agreeing this tilt table is all crooked & sh*t. "Look at it, just look...