Thursday, March 28, 2024

Infectious Disease

antibiotic free

Local Organic Mom Pleased to Have All Natural, Antibiotic-Susceptibility-Free Infection

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Local organic mom, Fern Meadow, is pleased that her life-threatening leg infection is pandrug-resistant. “When I spiked a fever and saw red streaks going up my leg I didn’t want to go...
Achilles heel

Greek Hero Achilles: ‘Help! Can I Get a Podiatrist, STAT?!’

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ANCIENT TROY - Gomerblog has just learned that Achilles, the Greek hero who cemented his status by slaying Hector during the Trojan War, has just been shot in the heel by Paris' poisoned arrow, and...
used speculum tongue depressor

CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors

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ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued...

IM Doc Goes on Fishing Trip, Plans to Get Rheum on Board

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CHARLESTON, SC - Local Internal Medicine physician Randy Kitts was headed out on a fishing trip Saturday when he realized before he set course he should "probably get Rheum on board." "Well, the waters are...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Confused Michael Flynn Requests Immunity from CDC, Immunizations from Senate Intelligence Committee

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Several health care and congressional sources have informed Gomerblog that they believe former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn is very confused and perhaps altered, as he keeps requesting immunity from the Centers for Disease...
Lumbar Puncture LP Spinal Tap

Two Examples of Amazingly Subpar Lumbar Puncture Procedure Notes

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Amazingly Subpar Lumbar Puncture Procedure Note #1 Procedure: This is Spinal Tap. Date/Time: Optional. Indication: Infectious Diseases said it was a good idea. Resident: Dr. Kyle Richter, PGY-1. Attending: Yes. A time-out was completed to verify the correct patient, procedure, and when the cafeteria closes. ...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

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ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not recommend against the licking of eyeballs, thus delivering a devastating...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: Anti-Vaxxers Refusing Cooties Shot

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ATLANTA, GA - Gomerblog has just learned that the anti-vaccination (or anti-vaxxer) movement has now pledged to refuse vaccination against the cooties, this on the heels of a recent Centers for Disease Control and...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children

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ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against a possible cooties outbreak in children under the age of...
hand dryer

Powerful New Hand Dryer Can Dry, Detach Hands in 8 Seconds

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EAST LONGMEADOW, MA - Manufacturer of XLERATOR hand dryers, Excel Dryer, has announced that it has produced their most powerful hand dryer yet, called the SEVERATOR, which can not only dry hands in 8...