Canadian Medical Association Creates Clinical Decision Rules on When to Use Clinical Decision Rules
ALBERTA, CANADA - After the Annual General Meeting of the Canadian Medical Association this summer, a majority motion is pushing a new initiative to produce a new set of Clinical Decision Rules to govern...
Apocolyptic Electronic Medical Record Becomes Self-Aware
"And just like that, the world burned." Those haunting words were discovered deep within a nursing note by hospitalist Kilty McSwagger while he was reviewing what appeared to be a large stack of useless...
IDSA Releases New Recommendations: Handwashing is Bullsh*t
ARLINGTON, VA - The world of medicine has been rocked early this morning with the release of new recommendations by the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) that completely undermines one of the cornerstones...
Man On Gluten-Free Diet Has No Idea What Gluten Actually Is
Chad Bennington, a 32-year-old otherwise healthy male without celiac disease, saw a new phrase on his favorite cereal box at his local grocery store. In bold white letters it read “GLUTEN FREE” with a...
Medical Referral Placed to Bronies Facebook Group for Second Opinion
HOUSTON, TX - 48-year-old Mark Wilkersten has been battling with bilateral knee pain for several years now. After seeing his primary care doctor for chronic knee pain last week, he elected to take a...
New Littmann Stethoscope Allows You to Hear One’s Thoughts
ST. PAUL, MN - Manufacturer 3M has released a new Littman Mind-Reading I Stethoscope for health care practitioners to help diagnose someone else’s thoughts, instincts, and motivations, and promises to do so with superior...
NASA: New Planet Discovered with Equatorial Volcano and Rivers of Lava
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a news conference held early this morning, NASA astronomers announced they have discovered a new planet next to Pluto with features unlike Earth or any other planet discovered to date. The...
Clinic Nurse and Doctor Suffer Burnout, Spontaneously Combust
MIAMI, FL - Staff at Miami Health Clinic are mourning the loss of two well-loved and respected colleagues, Nurse Michelle Boosh and Dr. George Sssshblamm, after both tragically burned out and spontaneously combusted during...
Veterinarian Turfs German Shepherd to Hospital Medicine
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Hospitalists at Minnesota Healthcare suffered one more devastating blow this morning as local veterinarian Tom Anderson turfed yet another animal, this time a German shepherd, to their service, citing a “busy...
What Kind of Older Hospitalized Patient Do You Want to Be?
Fellow health care professionals, let’s face it: We’re all going to grow old and die. We’re all going to be hospitalized at some point, assuming burnout doesn’t claim our lives first or we wisely...