ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits
HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a groundbreaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift. The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl...
New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out Providers Every 5 Cycles to Update Facebook Status
ST. LOUIS, MO – The American Heart Association (AHA) conducted further research and has published the new 2014 recommendations for cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Basic Life Support (BLS) and Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS) classes will...
New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves
ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper. The pill is designed to put that flame back in the bedroom, but the way it works may...
Alcoholic Fills Out Negative Patient Survey for Care Received on Christmas Morning
NEW ORLEANS, LA - 52-year-old Milton Applewood, a raging alcoholic who visits Holy Cross Hospital on a weekly basis, was appalled at the medical care he received on Christmas morning.
“Absolutely trashed,” proclaimed Applewood in...
Inventor of Slogan ‘Pain is the 5th Vital Sign’ Now Concedes Pain is Actually...
NEW YORK, NY - Last night, in an emotional interview with Dateline NBC, Lisa Washington, who famously coined the term "Pain is the 5th Vital Sign," conceded that pain is actually not a vital sign.
A...
After Obesity is Classified as a Disease, Ralph Calls In Sick for the Fourth...
HOUSTON, TX – At United Data Centers Inc., a web development company, Ralph Summers has called in "sick" four times in the last month. The AMA has recently classified obesity as a disease and...
National Arthritic Society Lobbies for Climate Change
WASHINGTON, DC – The Koch Brothers and the National Arthritic Society (NAS) have teamed up to encourage global warming. It all started in the Land of the Midnight Sun, Alaska.
In a "town that’s melting," physicians...
Hospital with Low Survivability Submits Plans for New Employee Draft
DELAWARE - Recent published reports state morbidity and mortality rates are absolutely atrocious for Community Hospital. According to the US News & World ratings for the best hospitals, Community Hospital scored last place in...
Doctor Puts Tostitos Restaurant Style Chips and Salsa in Waiting Room, Business Booms
Dr. Dufunk, while watching Dancing with the Stars with his wife, noticed during a commercial that putting Tostitos Restaurant Style Chips out in your house will bring in swarms of people. "I was thinking...
Point-Counterpoint: I Got Sick from the Flu Shot
Taking the Point will be Janet Flowerbottom, a local herbal supplement shop owner from Boulder, CO. Taking the Counterpoint is Carl Hogstrom, a pig farmer from Davenport, IA.
Point: I was forced into taking the...