Saturday, May 30, 2020


older patient sundowning

Combative Little Old Lady Requires Record-Breaking 11-to-1 Sitter

SEATTLE, WA - Looks can be deceiving.  87-year-old Marsha Lynch may look like a lovely little old lady, but when she sundowns, she’s one doozy of a patient.  Lynch has earned the nickname “Beast...
bed control

Fanduel to Debut Betting on Drunk ED Patients’ Alcohol Levels

LOS ANGELES, CA - Popular daily fantasy sports betting site Fanduel announced today that they will soon be branching out into a new gambling, er….gaming…. arena. Starting in February, Fanduel will be offering real-time...

Study Finds Needle Anxiety Worsens with Tattoos

BALTIMORE, MD - Johns Hopkins researchers published a shocking new study in this month's New England Journal of Medicine showing a correlation between the quantity, location, and type of tattoos on a patient's body...
baby ADHD

Enfamil with Adderall Approved for Infantile ADHD

LEXINGTON, MA -  Spiral Pharmaceuticals has paired with baby formula giant Enfamil to create the world’s first amphetamine-fortified formula, which will treat a newly discovered, early-onset variant of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  Parents...
naptime in hammock

Renegade Clan of Nap Specialists Declare Independence from Sleep Medicine

DARIEN, IL - In a startling development, a renegade clan of nap specialists known as “The Nappers” have seceded from the American Association of Sleep Medicine (AASM) and declared their professional independence. “It’s a mistake...
skull fracture

Depressed Skull Fracture Patient Started on Zoloft Drip, Psychiatry Referral

ALBINA, OR - An area resident covering the ED recently treated a patient with chief complaint of "depressed skull fracture," by prescribing IV sertraline and paging the psychiatry resident.  Brought in by paramedics late...
emergency room patient

Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...

Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of pain medication. "I always thought having more pain than you could...
iv flush

Exciting New Treatment for ‘Status Dramaticus’ Released Today by the FDA and NIH

BETHESDA, MD - Breaking news today from the FDA and NIH researchers in Bethesda,  MD.  A new treatment for Status Dramaticus (SD) has been shown to be promising in curing this debilitating disease.  Researchers...
doctor updating

What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 2

This is a continuation from our first post: What "Thank You for the Interesting Consult" Really Means, Part 1.  Let’s go! Nutrition Translation: Like it or not, I’m recommending a multivitamin. OB/GYN Translation: Not another pelvic exam for...
driving to ED

Uber Rolls Out New ED-to-ED Transit Service for Drug Seekers

PHILADELPHIA, PA - Filling a niche in a market that has been underserved for years, on-demand transportation company, Uber, has rolled out a novel transit service for drug seekers designed to get them from...