Forget Sheep: Orthopod Counts Bones to Fall Asleep Each Night
MUSCLE SHOALS, AL - Calling the domesticated ruminant animal too soft and fluffy for her liking, area orthopedic surgeon Dr. Tracey Hammerhead prefers counting...
Patient Boldly Quits Smoking Day Before Surgery
CINCINNATI, OH – Local resident Charles Shoemaker has decided to stop smoking the day before his total knee replacement. "I’ve heard there are many...
Tom Brady Suffers Congestive Arm Failure
Foxborough, MA - In a shocking development that could spell the end of his storied football career, Tom Brady developed acute congestive arm failure...
Breaking: If Orthopaedic Surgeons Were Actually Good at Sports They’d Play Them Professionally
PHOENIX, AZ - At this year’s annual meeting of the Bro Orthopaedic Navy Extremity Surgeons (BONES), BONES President Buck Cravedigger made a shocking admission...
Five-Second Rule Validated in the Operating Room
CHICAGO, IL - In a paradigm shift for the operating room, a new study has found that reusing instruments dropped on the operating room...
General Surgeon Goes Entire Year Without Washing Hands
Dr. Ima Nass, a general surgeon from Illinois, was recently demoted for going an entire calendar year without washing his hands in the hospital. ...
20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...
Orthopaedic Surgeons in Minnesota Bracing for Landslide of Injuries from Vikings Fans Jumping Off...
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Following the Vikings loss this weekend, orthopaedic surgeons in the greater Twin Cities area are standing by for an influx of lower...
Struggling Hospital Converts Idle Operating Rooms Into Escape Rooms on Weekend
SPRINGFIELD, NJ—One of the most popular new forms of entertainment may be coming to a hospital near you. In an effort to make more...
OR Replaces Surgical Site Marking Pens with Marking Scalpels
SIOUX CITY, IA – In an effort to improve surgical safety for patients, Mercy Hospital now requires all surgical sites to be marked with...