Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted across his body, today the greatest Olympic swimmer of all-time was...
Map My Couch App Released in Response to Map My Run App
In response to the numerous Map My Run and other workout posts that inundate newsfeeds on Facebook, a psychology group out of Houston TX decided to create a Map My Couch app.
“I was getting...
CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and for all that the adjective of pus is “purulent,” not...
General Surgeon Goes Entire Year Without Washing Hands
Dr. Ima Nass, a general surgeon from Illinois, was recently demoted for going an entire calendar year without washing his hands in the hospital. CEO Brandon Musgrave commented, "We couldn't believe it, we even...
Intern Asks Nurse for Multiple Choices Before Making Decision
On his first week as a surgery intern, Dane Colbert began what is sure to be a storied career in medicine by asking the nurse who paged him if he could have four options to...
Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions
CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans, in particular health care providers, as he announced his plan...
Stricter Operating Room Attire Policy Now Calls for Decapitation
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - After extensive evidence-based research, recent updates to the hospital policy for OR hats and attire were released at the staff meeting last Friday. New updates include calling for eliminating the...
Surgical Oncologist Successfully Resects Steve Bannon from National Security Council
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a press conference at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital early this morning, surgical oncologist Dr. H.R. McMaster was pleased to announce that he was able to successfully resect Steve Bannon from the National...
Female Surgery Resident Reliant on VA Harassment for Affirmation
LOCAL VA HOSPITAL - In what has been deemed a natural progression of surgical training, local resident Sara Lowell now counts on her interactions with patient George Franks, a 65-year-old vasculopath and VA legend, as her...
