emergency department
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ROANOKE, VA – Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide kits to be stocked in the Emergency Department Pyxis machine.

emergency department
This might be a cyanide type night

Each kit contains 50 cyanide pills which can be ingested by staff if everyone in the department or floor agrees that a shift has become unbearable and that they can no longer go on as a group.

Janie DiPalermo, a charge nurse in the ED at OLCAM, was available for comment.  “It is comforting to know that there is a way out if we are having one of those soul-crushing night shifts.”

“It used to be that our only hope was the clock hitting 0700, which seemed to never actually happen.  Now, when the lobby swells to 40 angry souls at 11:30 p.m. and EMS is relentlessly radioing in to demand rooms that we don’t have for patients calling 911, we have hope.  We can all meet at the main Pyxis, say a quick prayer, toss it down the hatch, and wait for the Sweet Angel of Death to come and save us.”

“We had almost given up on administrators ever doing anything which would help those of us in the trenches.  They had denied our requests for vacation days, fewer days on call, bathroom breaks, functioning computers, more nursing and support staff instead of less, and less pushback from the wards upstairs.  It was becoming hopeless, but they really came through on this one.  It’s nice to know that they really do look out for us.”

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  • NocturnalRN

    Sorry the Pyxis won’t release the medication unless there is a physician order that has been checked by pharmacy. Don’t forget to enter height, weight, allergies, blood type, and your choice of sacrificial animal.

  • Jenna Nelson

    Brooke Woods

  • Diane Tavares

    Ha!

  • Janice Biorn

    Aerosol Haldol in the waiting rooms. Much more effective. And percocet in the candy dishes. No need for cyanide.

  • Candace Latta Deverell

    Lol!!!

  • Donna Riley-Lein

    Please don’t. This pt likes you guys! ;-)

  • Nicole LaCoste

    Tarah Spackman Romanski

  • Gina Cotton Simpson

    How many documentation forms will this mass suicide require?

  • Fred Trendler

    More appropriate for the patient

  • Kristin Ciasulli

    Send me out Michael Jackson style.

  • Melissa Bermes Koerner

    Sandra Simpson Eidson. Lol!

  • Lynette Carbaugh-Stewart

    Blahhh Jaime Ludwig Bowen to funny

  • Jaime Ludwig Bowen

    Lynette Carbaugh-Stewart

  • Carol Norman

    Cyanide poisoning from nipride takes too long, not to mention pharmacy delays.

  • Vicky Woodruff Dison

    No, that’s still only available from the pharmacy that closed 15 minutes ago so the house super has to get it for you. Oh wait, she’s in a code

  • Vicky Woodruff Dison

    No, that’s still only available from the pharmacy that closed 15 minutes ago so the house super has to get it for you. Oh wait, she’s in a code

  • Thomas Thurlow

    Nipride?

  • Thomas Thurlow

    Nipride?

  • Elizabeth Svoboda

    We need this for every floor/unit on the hospital.

  • Elizabeth Svoboda

    We need this for every floor/unit on the hospital.

  • Raechal Stoops

    Is that for the non compliant pt instead

  • Raechal Stoops

    Is that for the non compliant pt instead

  • Belinda Smith

    I think these might come in handy Raechal Stoops

  • Belinda Smith

    I think these might come in handy Raechal Stoops

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