Hi.  I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news.  I was watching CNN.  They’re based in Atlanta too, haha!

“Tell me everyone you ran into at the airport”

In my business, that’s what we call an icebreaker.  Anyhooo.  I’m sorry you’re feeling ill but I do need to interrupt you here to ask you some very specific questions for the sake of public health.

I need you to think really hard and tell me about every person you saw at the three airports and two flights you were on recently.  Hang on, let me grab my notepad.  Okay, go ahead now.  Be as detailed as possible and list every person you encountered.

Excuse me?  I didn’t quite understand that.  Is it my Hazmat mask that’s making it difficult for me to understand?

Ohhh, I see.  It’s because you’re vomiting at the moment.  That’s okay.  Take your time  Just start with the first person you encountered and go in chronological order until the last person.  We at the CDC want to make sure we get this right.

Are you crying?  Oh, you’re just bleeding from your eyes  Still, concentrate.

Okay.  I notice you’re still vomiting.  That’s alright.  I’ll have a seat right over here until you can maybe compose yourself.  WHOOPS!  I just sat on a wet spot on this chair next to your bed.

Wait, am I supposed to be wearing gloves and a gown in this room with you?  Ahhh, I knew I should have made up some excuse to not come to work today.

Where’s the nearest nurse so I can blame him or her for this disaster?

Dr Pablo Pistola
Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Follow him on twitter at @drpablopistola