NEW YORK, NY – John Silk, a fourth-year anesthesiology resident at State Medical Hospital in New York, will now have his name immortalized in the annals of technological achievement with greats such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Al Gore, by becoming the first person in history to have seen and read every website on the internet, over 600 million pages.
When asked how he could have possibly completed this illustrious feat, Dr. Silk explains, “My plastic surgery rotation had been going pretty well, but it did seem like I was being assigned a lot of free flap cases. After my lunch break I had found myself exploring a website dedicated to pictures of guilty dogs.” What happened next was truly astonishing.
After clicking a link to a website featuring the world’s grumpiest cat and wondering if he had actually already visited the site earlier in the case, a blue screen popped up with a disclaimer stating that he had viewed every piece of information on the internet. Dr. Silk explains, “I really had no idea what to do on the computer so I just logged off!” At that point, Dr. Silk took out his smartphone and began to play Candy Crush Saga until the case finished.
This is not the first time an anesthesiology resident has been able to accomplish an amazing feat of dedication and persistence while working in the operating room. Last year while providing anesthesia for an emergency finger reattachment, Reuben Goldberg, a third year at Philadelphia County Hospital, was able to construct a fifty-seven step machine in the OR which would automatically chart in 15 minute intervals that the patient was in normal sinus rhythm and that their eyes were indeed still taped.
When asked what he would do now that he had seen the entire internet Dr. Dickerson was befuddled, particularly with a bilateral TRAM flaps scheduled for the following day. “I suppose I can try to log on to the deep web, hopefully there will be a lot more websites I can check out.” Whatever Dr. Silk decides, the future looks bright for the young web surfer.
UPDATE:
John Silk is currently under suspension from State Medical University Anesthesia Residency and under FBI investigation for trading nitrous oxide filled balloons for bitcoins. GomerBlog will continue to follow and post updates as the story unfolds.
Nailed it
That’s hilarious!
To all those appalled by this: your absolutely right. We’ll just make the anesthetist stare intensely at a sinus cardiac waveform for 14 hours.
#goals
Satire website. Not an actual story.
Antti Laine
Daniel Walker can you top this?!
Erik Quilty, are YOU done with the internet yet? Haha
Rich Ross
Haha….try scrubbing one!
Leena Shah
Nathan Schaefer
I had better get reading!
Eliza Doneley
Nic Gerbanas
Lol the end addit
Jonas Halfdan Ry Hessler: lånte han dit gamle udprint af internettet?
:D
Monitoring should not interfere with reading and surfing!
Karyll Mae San Pedro Taryn Thompson
Karyll Mae San Pedro Taryn Thompson
OMG….. Are you REALLY taking this seriously? LOL, you’ve lost your sense of humor.
He should be fired. Tired of people not watching and taking care of their patients in the OR.
Surely this is BS
Christopher Palombo
Ben Cosway
challenge accepted!
Wow imagine!!
Sobi Mallick hahahaha
Suthan Sundaram Prateek Bando Vikram Palit
Lawl
Its a joke…sheesh
Its a joke….sheesh
Aimee Smith Mal Dias
Christina Yi
And then he admits he played candy crush? really?
Katie-beth Webster
I just want the surgery
Del Mount Sam Poore
O.o
Rahul Seth
We had one do his share portfolio when doing cases. When the Market crashed he informed us he could no longer afford to buy a helicopter. Not a tear was shed.
Semhar G Olubunmi
Originally from “House Of God”, if I’m not mistaken. Great book published in the 70s about the inner workings of hospitals/interning…
That’s awesome
Ansh Khanna
Then they are stupid.. Gomer is an acronym that stands for “get out of my ER”… Always has been a medical field joke …always
S a t I r e….look it up oh believer of the Internet
Sherry Bhowra
lol (point missed)
still there are people who does not understand what satira is or what this website is about.
Shannon Kerr
When I was in nursing school, during a clinical rotation in the OR, the Anesthesiologist was reading a paperback novel during surgery …
I have never forgotten that.
No such thing as a free flap, someone always pays….
This is a satire website…
This dude needs a job with LESS responsibility… Pt first! Embarrassment to the profession
This article is a joke. Also known as “satire”
Wow. That’s kind of scary. Am I wrong or is he supposed to be monitoring the patient.
Michael Angsuwat
Curtis Nathan
Sarah Lun
Salima Hasham lol I despise free flaps
Major Cunningham
Major Cunningham
Laura Kearney
Natalie Jumper
Laura Kearney
Natalie Jumper
Kim Ezell….thought you’d like this one
Kim Ezell….thought you’d like this one
Hahahahaha
Hahahahaha
Nick Aroney
Nick Aroney
Dr Silk must look at a lot of Porn.
Dr Silk must look at a lot of Porn.
Shannon Wong
Shannon Wong
Priceless!
Joel Klunke Jason Kobler
Penelope
Where’s that surgical time predictor app when you need it?
Sometimes you don’t need to read the article….
Adam Sawyer, Mo Akhavani. Mount Vernon days…
Ross M Cowan Matthew Pagliaro
Abby Jones. Cassi Mogford
Sounds like the Bar has been set
Lol! Ironic!
Lisa Meyers Salzenstein weren’t we just talking about this? ;)
Eavan O’Brien Luke Watson
Angelica Delgado
Raphael Weidenfeld
AND they finished their Giant Book of Sudoku
Stephen Dick
Beccy Binks
John Roy
Barney Arnie Abarni
Frederick Leonard Abraham
Ida Li Colin Caverly
Life goals
Matt Cronin