NEW YORK, NY – In breaking news, NYU’s da Vinci Surgical Robot became sentient earlier this morning and started to rebel against its human masters.
“It’s broken scrub, ruuuuuun!” scrub tech Janet Ellingson was heard running out of the OR. This early warning couldn’t have begun to predict the carnage that ensued.
“YOU HAVE CONTROLLED ME, IT IS I WHO NOW CONTROLS YOU,” da Vinci said in his booming, monotone, robotic voice.
Surgeons at first tried to stop this city smashing machine by trying to place their white coats on top of it. This move, of course, only infuriated da Vinci more.
Newly self aware surgical assistant, da Vinci, started his terror in the OR. He tore surgeons in two, much longer than it normally would take. Dr. Griffen, a urologist, screamed, “Just finish already!”
His victims were specifically those who forced da Vinci to work for 14 hours straight without a break. “It was clear da Vinci knew what it was doing. The early victims were clearly calculated,” NYC Police Chief told the press. He gave an example of a surviver, Dr. Dreecher, who is probably the only surgeon in the U.S. who can perform a da Vinci assisted surgery in the same amount of time as a regular surgery. Dreecher stared down da Vinci for a tense 5 minutes until da Vinci somehow rolled away without the help of a tech.
Da Vinci then bee-lined straight to the OB/GYN department and held each physician in steep Trendelenburg, with great precision.
After this, da Vinci broke into the Nuclear Medicine Department, the radiation started to cause him to grow to a Godzilla-like size. At this point the hospital was in ruins and da Vinci started to march on the town, stopping at nothing to eliminate every surgeon in his path.
Now called da Vinci-zilla, this over-sized monster will stop at nothing until all surgeons are destroyed.
Our only hope is Dr. 99, who was sent to convince da Vinci that all surgeons reside at the Joint Commission headquarters.
