ATLANTA, GA – Sure, otolaryngologist Eric Osawa was trying to enjoy his day off today, but has now found himself at a coffee shop looking away in horror, unable to bear the sight of 38-year-old Raul Franco going “elbow deep” picking his nose, essentially taunting fate and the god of epistaxis.
“It’s not even like the guy’s trying to pick out a snot,” said a squeamish Osawa, who was quick to point out the gentleman was wearing a plain white tee shirt, one of the harbingers of death by uncontrolled bleeding. “It’s like he’s purposely trying to cause a major nosebleed.”
According to Osawa, he spotted Franco out of the corner of his eye quietly picking his right nostril and rubbing any remnants under his seat. “But then he kept persisting, digging deeper and deeper, twisting each and every finger and ultimately his right hand, wrist, arm, and elbow at awkward angles to dislodge whatever he’s trying to dislodge,” Osawa explained. “For a moment, I was worried he was going to shove his finger into the Circle of Willis.”
Osawa has seen all too often how nosebleeds are the unintended but common consequence of nose-picking. In fact, Osawa jokes the alternate name for the nostril is the digital fossa. He prays for the best, but already has gauze, Afrin, and a blood consent form at the ready.
Right on queue, Franco unleashed a one-of-a-kind hemorrhagic gusher. Old Faithful, but with plasma and hemoglobin shooting downward onto his white shirt, white pants, and white table.
“So much for my day off,” Osawa sighed before downing his cup of joe and heading towards his new patient to save the day. “Sir, tilt your head back and pinch your nose closed. Good…”