Patient’s Heart Hears about Impending Discharge, Begins Fibrillating
DES MOINES, IA - After overhearing a conversation about discharge planning, the heart belonging to 87 year old Thomas Munson decided at the last minute to start fibrillating in order to keep the body...
Patient Suffers “Partial” Cardiac Arrest
BOSTON, MA—After years of seeing patients who were reported in the news media to have been found in “full cardiac arrest,” emergency physicians at Doctors University Hospital are stunned to see the first ever...
After Being Given 200 mg of IV Lasix, Patient Urinating from Eyeballs
LOUISVILLE, KY - After receiving a whopping dose of Lasix (furosemide) IV just within the past 20 minutes, Tina O’Rourke has informed those closest to her that she is not only adequately urinating from...
Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room. She refuses to wear scrubs, a scrub cap, surgical mask mask, or...
BREAKING: Kim Jong-un Not Quite as Dead as His Surgeon Will Soon Be
Pyongyang, North Korea - Reports have been coming out that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un's health is in grave danger after a cardiac procedure. Allegedly, the anus-free Dictator allegedly had a cardiac procedure...
A Cardiologist Explains: Shoulder Pain
Hello, and good afternoon to you. Of course, I know it must be the afternoon because I don't see patients in the morning or evening or weekend anymore.
At any rate, I shall discuss with...
Cardiologist Admits to Just Using EKG Computer Interpretation for Over 15 Years
TOPEKA, KS - Veteran cardiologist, Dr. Ernesto Rodriguez, appeared on 20/20 last night with a shocking revelation. Dr. Rodriguez admitted to just using the computer interpretation of EKGs as his own interpretations for the past...
Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump
NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs, new Vanderbilt University internal medicine intern Melanie Izard has herself...
Cardiologist Names Newborn Daughter Lub Dub
ATLANTA, GA - After much deliberation but with much excitement, cardiologist Randy Duckett has announced that he and his wife have chosen a name for their beautiful newborn 6 lb. 12 oz. daughter: Lub...
HHS Announces New Crack Down on Illicit Cardiac Massage Parlors
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Officials from the Department of Health and Human Services Monday announced a joint operation with Departments of Homeland Security and the Federal Bureau of Investigation to crack down on illicit cardiac...