Conversation Starters While Scrubbing For Surgery with Your Attending
Scrubbing before surgery can be an awkward time for residents who have to spend up to 5 uninterrupted minutes standing next to an attending while you both wash your hands. Casual conversation can be...
Orthopod Has Near-Death Experience Until Internist Responds to Call for Doctor Mid-Flight
SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN - Dr. Brock Hammersley felt nauseated and sweaty and experienced the feeling of an elephant sitting on his chest with a sense of impending doom while flying to Hawaii this...
Orthopod Caught Auscultating Ancef Pump
ATLANTA, GA - "Shhh," orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley told befuddled onlookers as he used a stethoscope (or, as he puts it, "a mini jump rope") to carefully listen to one of his must trusted friends, the Ancef pump. ...
Three-Sentence Discharge Summary For Six-Month Hospitalization
ROME, GA - Doctors and hospital administrators are lauding what has been called a "breakthrough in succinctness," as a patient discharged after six months in the hospital presented to his primary care provider with a...
Orthopods Reclassified as Bromo Sapiens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In their first update in nearly two years, the American Taxonomy Society (ATS) has placed arthropods under their own genus, formally renaming them Bromo sapiens.
"There's no doubt if Carl Linnaeus was...
Boxing Day Returns: Admitting Services May Return 1 Unwanted Holiday Admission to the ER
HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA - McMaster University has been at the forefront of Canadian Medical research progress (pronounced pro-gress north of the border) since shortly after its founding in 1887. Now, the Marauders are transitioning into...
Wishing ‘Break a Leg!’ Increases Risk of Femur Fracture by 85%
ROSEMONT, IL - The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons reports that the theatrical superstition of wishing good luck to stage performers in the form of the phrase "Break a leg!" increase the risk of femur fracture by...
Breaking the ORIF Mold: Orthopedists Repurpose Invisalign for Fixations
BREAKING: Clearview, Tennessee. After seeing the widespread success of Invisalign braces for orthodontists and their patients, orthopedic surgeons have joined the party. Clearview Hospital is paving the way as the first to provide Orthopedic...
Ortho Consulted to Repair Broken Wishbone
NASHVILLE, TN - Orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley was consulted last night after the wishbone of an 18-lb. turkey was shattered by two members of the James family during Thanksgiving dinner.
"This makes me so angry," said...
The Difference Between Arthropods & Orthopods
Today, we help describe the similarities and differences between two interesting creatures: arthropods and orthopods. Let’s begin!
An arthropod is an invertebrate animal with an exoskeleton that doesn’t care about anyone else’s bones. An orthopod...