Mutations in the Anti-Vaxxers’ Brain Discovered
Scientists have made a major breakthrough in understanding the brain functions of anti-vaccine proponents (anti-vaxxers). Mutations in the Y74 gene encode for these transformations. Environmental factors, such as US/UK location, lack of a formal education, Facebook...
Rabies Vaccines Result in Doggie Autism According to Andrew Wakefield, PETA Petrified
HOLY SMOKES, NC - According to GomerBlog sources at GQ, it is true. Rabies vaccines cause doggie autism. The news came following a monumental publication by Dr. Andrew Wakefield in Lancet: Cynology last Tuesday.
After losing...
“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus
WUHAN, CHINA—The 1980s’ supergroup USA for Africa, known mostly for its hunger-awareness-raising “We Are the World” tune and “Hands Across America” event, announced yesterday that it was reuniting to organize a new charity campaign....
Canadian Provinces Presenting to the Emergency Room
British Columbia: 43-year-old female worried she accidentally overdosed on Gingko baba when she took two times the amount on her way to yoga. Feeling tingly inside.
Alberta: 30-year-old male requesting medication refill for Ativan. Here...
FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper
WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a newly-issued guideline, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration...
Wow, That’s Bold: CDC Says ‘Zero People’ Will Catch the Flu This Year
ATLANTA, GA - Exuding tremendous confidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that it plans on pitching a no-hitter this coming 2017-2018 influenza, proclaiming that zero people will catch the...
Patient Still Concerned About Getting Sick from the Flu Shot
MADISON, WI - Doreen Knowitall was horrified that her primary care physician again offered her a flu shot “Even though I told her I didn’t want it last year! I can’t believe she thinks...
CDC Official: I Want You to Think Really Hard as You Personally Battle Ebola
Hi. I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news. I was watching CNN. They're based in Atlanta too, haha!
In...
A COVID-19 Miracle: Jesus Turns Water into Hand Sanitizer
BETHLEHEM - Add another miracle to His already impressive resume: Jesus has offered humanity hope in its fight against COVID-19 by turning water into hand sanitizer.
The Son of...
Pharma on the Search for Second Generation Placebo
After decades of clinical drug trials involving placebos,Placebo pills now have too many side effects. We need a second generation placebo pill the pharmaceutical community is wondering if it is the right time to...
