Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S....
Patients on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Now Required to Have Yellow Cart Outside of...
PHILADELPHIA, PA - A new mandate was recently passed that now requires ALL patients that were in contact precautions in the hospital, must have...
CDC Recommends Washing Hands for 30 Minutes Before, After Each Patient Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Stating that health care professionals can do more to prevent the spread of germs, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention...
Departmental Didactics Migrated to Jerkmate.com
In light of the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and the need for social distancing, your department announced today that all future didactics will be conducted...
Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level
KENTUCKY - In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to "mental...
Carbapenem-Resistant Enterobacteriacae Strain Develops Resistance To Bullets, Fire
LOS ANGELES, CA - Public health officials are warning of the emergence of a new strain of bacteria demonstrating an unusual resistance pattern. The warning...
CDC Urges Mosquitos to Wear Tiny Condoms to Fight Zika Virus
ATLANTA, GA - During a landmark press conference yesterday afternoon, CDC Chief Epidemiologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram implored mosquitos to wear small condoms during intercourse in...
Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious...
MRSA Colonizes Mars
In a joint conference, CDC and NASA delivered a striking blow to human ambition and ingenuity, announcing that MRSA has officially colonized Mars. Defeating...
Rabies Vaccines Result in Doggie Autism According to Andrew Wakefield, PETA Petrified
HOLY SMOKES, NC - According to GomerBlog sources at GQ, it is true. Rabies vaccines cause doggie autism. The news came following a monumental...