Friday, March 29, 2024

Infectious Disease

Medical Student at Home Gets Thanked for Helping Fight Coronavirus

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At 9am Tuesday morning, medical student Colin G was making coffee in his PJ’s when he received a text from his Aunt Jan. “Hi Colin, this is your Aunt Jan. How are you? I’m sure...
necktie colonized tarantulas

Doctor’s Necktie Colonized with MRSA, Tarantulas, Ticks, Mosquitoes

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PORTLAND, ME - Internist Dr. Jeffrey Redd thinks it "unprofessional not to wear a tie" even despite the feedback from multiple patients, families, nurses, doctors, infectious diseases specialists, public health officials, and administrators that...
chloraprep

Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery

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WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of Caucasian. The orange hue of his face is actually due...
Virgin Airlines Chlamydia

Breaking: Virgin Airlines Diagnosed with Chlamydia

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) is scrambling after Virgin Airlines dropped a bombshell at a press conference earlier this morning revealing that it has been diagnosed with Chlamydia.  Chlamydia is the most...
eternal life

New Study Shows Tammyflu Pills Provide Eternal Life

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Yesterday, Roach Pharmaceuticals announced the results of a new flu treatment study which is sure to change the course of the flu and life forever.  Their antiviral drug, which is...

IDSA Recommends Washing Clothes Before, After Every Patient Encounter

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ARLINGTON, VA - In an aggressive effort to help control the spread of microorganisms, the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) strongly recommends health care professionals thoroughly wash their clothes before &...

CDC: Test Kits Are Low, Critically Ill & Famous People Only

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ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released new guidelines today to to help ration COVID-19 testing kits. They now ask to refrain from testing for the novel coronavirus, or COVID-19, unless you are...
vaccines

Serious About Safety, “Operation Warp Speed” to Enroll 7.8 Billion People in Phase 1...

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WASHINGTON, DC—Leaders of “Operation Warp Speed” (OWS), the government program tasked with developing a Covid-19 vaccine, insist that despite the name, their top priority is safety, not speed. As proof, they announced today that...
nystatin statin

Dammit, It’s a Ruse! Nystatin Isn’t a Statin After All

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BETHESDA, MD - The medical world is at a loss for words after scientists at the National Institute of Health (NIH) dropped the megaton bombshell that nystatin isn't a real statin after all.  That's...

New York Outlaws MRSA

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ALBANY, NY - New York legislators recently passed a new law that outlaws MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) in the state of New York.  This new law will make it illegal for one to have MRSA...