Saturday, June 6, 2020

News-in-Brief

Short Articles for Your Short Attention Span

Bovie Electrocautery Receives FDA Approval for Cutting Red Tape

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SILVER SPRING, MD - In an unprecedented move by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), Bovie electrocautery has been approved for both incisional and excisional biopsies of both state and federal subtypes of red tape....

Obama Breaks Wrist, Fails To Find Doc Who Accepts His Insurance

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WASHINGTON, D.C - Earlier today during a pick-up basketball game with congressional notables, President Obama attempted a slam dunk and landed awkwardly on his outstretched left hand.  Sitting stunned and in pain, he cradled...
hospital hallway

General Medicine Floor Smells a Little Less like Death Today

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TUCSON, AZ - Employees of the general medicine floor at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital arrived to work on Monday morning to a unit that smelled a little less like death than usual. “What a pleasant...

Chewbacca’s Pain Score Was Really Only a 2

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IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY... - After being wounded in battle, Chewbacca was given the best medical treatment on the Resistance medical freighter.  Chewy reported 11/10 pain to his nurse and doctor.  However,...

Popular New Manager Cool With Falls As Long As No Injury

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Red State Regional Chief Nursing Officer, Dolly McGuire, took 10 minutes at the end of one of last week’s Daily Operations Meetings to note the dramatic improvement in nurse satisfaction...

Thousands Sick with 80-Degree Flu Today

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - In what can only be described as the largest summer epidemic, experts are working frantically to find a cure for the 80-degree flu.  "Hundreds of nurses call in sick each Friday,...
Messi

Copa America: Da Vinci with Brilliant Save on Messi

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SEATTLE, WA - In the 68th minute, Argentina's Lionel Messi dribbled past three defenders and unleashed a shot from point-blank range.  But the Da Vinci surgical goalkeeper was both equal to the task and not...

[Video] Da Vinci’s Monster Jam Helps Cavs in Must-Win Game

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CLEVELAND, OH - The Cavs suited up their secret weapon on Saturday: the Da Vinci robot.  In his only appearance, Da Vinci James' performance was clutch, so much so that he's already being mentioned...

NICU Patient Graduates High School

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ST. LOUIS, MO – It’s a special occasion in the life of J’ramyah Boba Fett, as he overcomes the odds stacked against him by his mutant NICU name and graduates not only from the...

Fancy Medical Terms and What They Really Mean

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Nurses and doctors use fancy words to communicate and sound smart before patients, families and each other. Having spent most of his adult life in the hospital, Livin La Vida Locum, M.D. shares the...
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