In this first edition of Medical Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs), we address burning medical questions from our GomerBlog fans regarding the upcoming 2015 Masters Golf Tournament to be held in Augusta, GA between April 9 and April 12. Let’s begin!
Can watching the Masters or any golf event actually bore you to death?
Yes! The slow pace and monotonous play-by-play acts on our parasympathetic system. If you pay close enough attention, you’ll realize that you’re becoming increasingly bradycardic with each passing minute. If subjected long enough, you can end up in complete heart block or even asystole. That’s one hell of a bogey you don’t want!
Is golf a powerful anesthetic?
It is indeed! When traditional anesthetic agents fail, anesthesiologists often turn on the Golf Channel to ensure a case goes on.
What golf club would you recommend to destroy my pager?
Go with the driver. With minimal loft, you can drive your pager further away, maybe even up to 400-plus yards, decreasing the odds you’ll ever have to contend with it again. But using a driver takes skill, so make sure you practice, practice, practice!
When do golfers have a chance to go to the bathroom?
They don’t. Golfers wear nice, coordinated outfits including loose golf pants to conceal the fact that they are actually walking around with Foley catheters.
Are those medical students or interns carrying a golfer’s golf clubs?
Sorry but the answer is neither! They’re called caddies.
I’m not sure I understand what is a “hole in one.” Can you explain it medical terms?
Why sure! First, in golf terms, a hole in one is when a ball is hit from a tee and ends up in the cup (hole) without any intervening shots. Think of it as a patient coming into the ED and getting discharged home immediately, without any labs, imaging, consultation, observation, or admission. It’s extremely rare and an impressive feat!
What is this famous green jacket?
The green jacket is awarded to the most contagious golfer. Think of it as the Masters’ yellow contact precaution gown.
