BOISE, ID – America’s favorite vegetable, the potato, went for its yearly exam today. “Its five eyes continue to be in good health with perfect 20/20 vision,” said spud ophthalmologist Dr. George Lemer with his potato patient’s permission. “He denied any loss of vision centrally or peripherally, blurry vision, redness, pain, itchiness, discharge, grittiness, tearing, dryness, light sensitivity, halos, or styes. Visual field testing, visual acuity, tonometry, pretty much everything was normal. He does have mild hyperglycemia per his primary care physician, but I saw no evidence of diabetic retinopathy on my exam today.” Dr. Lemer recommends the potato have routine follow-up in one year if he hasn’t been tragically baked, mashed, steamed, fried, or quartered up and planted into the ground by then.
