moonupping sundowning

Sundowning to be Referred to as Moonupping from Hereonin

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LOS ANGELES, CA - The American Academy of Naming Medical Things (AANMT) has issued a mandated that sundowning will now be referred to as...

New CPR Mannequin to More Accurately Reflect Average American

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WASHINGTON – The American Heart Association (AHA) announced today the release of a new line of CPR mannequins, designed to more accurately reflect the...
nurse station

Beverage Container Left Open at Nurses Station, Three Dead as a Result

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a tragic tale of "I told you so," three nurses died overnight at Mercy Hospital as a result of...
16 French

Success! 16-French Foley Placed by Team of 16 French Nurses, Urologists

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PARIS, FRANCE - Gomerblog is ecstatic to report that a 16-French Foley catheter was successfully placed by a team of exactly 16 French health...

Schizophrenics’ Voices Get To Fill Out Patient Satisfaction Forms

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MADISON, WI — When RN Tara Noluck got summoned to see her nursing supervisor about a low patient satisfaction score, she didn’t worry too...

Patient Care During Super Bowl Nears “Total Neglect” Status

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – "Don’t get sick during the Super Bowl" was the overwhelming response put out the Joint Commission today.  New studies just released by...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in...
back injury

Hospital Administrators Sick of Dealing with Clumsy Nurses and Nursing Injuries

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HARTFORD, CT - "Seriously, another back injury claim?" questioned hospital administrator Lawrence Gates.  "Why do our clumsy nurses always go and hurt themselves on...
attending physician

Doctor Horrified to Learn That Today’s Actually Thursday, Not Friday

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NEW YORK, NY - Colleagues are watching in stunned silence as Mount Sinai Hospital hospitalist Valerie Owens holds back the tears as it hits her...
Magic 8-Ball

Teaching Team Consults Magic 8-Ball for Assistance

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NEW YORK, NY - "Will my patient need placement?" intern Jamie Dreessen asked the Magic 8-Ball, shaking it solidly for 15-seconds before placing it on...