Nursing

chloride

Breaking: Nurse Initiates Lesser-Known Chloride Repletion Protocol

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Nurse Jess Casamento of Ochsner Medical Center is one of the best when it comes to repleting electrolytes: potassium, magnesium, even...

Patient Successfully Makes Appointment for the ED

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LONG BEACH, CA – Nancy J. is well known to the local Emergency Department at St. Joseph, a community hospital in LA County.  The...
Nursing Pages Per Shift

New Study: Physician Douche Level Correlates With Number Of Nursing Pages Per Shift

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HARTFORD, CT - A new study published in JAMA this week demonstrated a direct correlation between the physician douche level (PDL) and and the number...

Nasogastric Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts Recommended for Children Who Refuse to Eat Vegetables

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With parents struggling to get their kids to eat their vegetables, some doctors have developed a new workaround. “We used to just use nasogastric (NG)...

Doctor to Hand Out Metformin for Halloween

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HOUSTON, TX – Local physician Dr. Sharma plans to hand out “Fun-Size” packages of metformin this Halloween. “Pretty much every child develops diabetes on November...
hospital

Hospital Publishes 6 Patient Guidelines: ‘Please Try Not to Confuse Us with a Hotel’

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Here at Outside Hospital (OSH), we are 100% committed to your satisfaction as a patient.  To this end, we have created this pamphlet, which...

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

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KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of...
golden bladder award

Hero Nurse Wins the Coveted Golden Bladder Award

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MOUNT CARMEL, PA - Local ER nurse Jada Adams was recently recognized for her uncanny ability to retain large amounts of urine in her...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
swat team elite HIPAA stormtroopers

Entire Hospital IT Department Being Placed into Protective Custody After ‘Upgrading’ EMR

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Yesterday evening, Have Mercy On Me Hospital in Los Angeles upgraded their electronic medical record (EMR) and what ensued can...