Nursing

physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Gastroenterologist Paged Record 35 Times While in Restroom

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KANSAS CITY, MO - In a stark development it has been reported that earlier this morning during a five-minute bathroom break, Dr. Timothy McFadden, a...
estrogen toxicity

Estrogen Toxicity Spectrum Disorder

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A recent study by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill has identified categorized the strange personality and behavior changes of male nursing...

Local ER Offering Pain Meds Freebased, or Heated on a Spoon and Injected

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NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected.  “We...
decaf coffee

Rookie Mistake: July Intern Grabs Cup of Decaf Coffee, Defeats the Purpose Entirely

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NASHVILLE, TN - In a situation that can be described in no other way but shocking, neophyte July intern Elena Sanchez grabbed a cup...
Nursing Pages Per Shift

New Study: Physician Douche Level Correlates With Number Of Nursing Pages Per Shift

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HARTFORD, CT - A new study published in JAMA this week demonstrated a direct correlation between the physician douche level (PDL) and and the number...

Mom Still Cleaning Up After Surgeon Son

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NAPLES, FL - A recent phenomenon in an operating room (OR) at Mary Mother Hospital has caught quite the buzz.  Dr. Roger Messi was...

Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in...
urine catheter

Forgot-to-Pee Syndrome Afflicting Millions of Health Care Workers

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Journal of the American National Society, Committee, and Association of Urinary Retention and Other Things Too (JANSCAUROTT) estimates that nearly...

Sick of Scrub Machine Malfunctions Resident Gets Scrubs Tattooed on Body

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CALIFORNIA CITY, CA - Jonathan Marconi, an anesthesia resident at the world-famous University of California at University of California (UCUC) Medical Center, had become...