Nursing

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

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ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
barrage pages

Hospitalists Run for Cover as Nurses Heave Barrage of Pages Near Shift Change

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Hospitalists know the drill all too well: It doesn’t matter if you haven’t been paged all day, expect hellfire starting...

Local ER Offering Pain Meds Freebased, or Heated on a Spoon and Injected

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NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected.  “We...
nurses station

The Joint Commission Now Encourages Coffee At Nursing Stations, Mortality Rates Plummet

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The Joint Commission (JC) has abruptly reversed their ban on caffeinated drinks at physician and nursing workstations in light of new evidence that caffeine...
isolation gown

How to Put on a Contact Isolation Gown

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If you've never done it before, putting on a contact isolation gown can be quite tricky.  It might be easier to put on a...
protest

Hospital Administrators March on D.C. for Safer Administrator:Patient Ratios

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Yesterday, American hospital administrators took a bold step in voicing collective frustration with their work environment, as a throng of over...

Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease

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NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases."  Unfortunately,...
checks and balances

Doctors and Nurses Form ‘The Gigantic Commission’ to Accredit The Joint Commission

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SAN DIEGO, CA - With recent concerns over the credentials of employees of The Joint Commission (JC), doctors and nurses have formed a separate regulating...

Hospital Rat Mistaken for Pokémon

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CHICAGO, IL - Northwestern University Hospital had a false alarm Saturday, where several employees mistook a hospital rat for a rare Pokémon.  "I was...
golden nugget

Local Nurse Receives Prestigious ‘Golden Nugget’ Award

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"It’s an honor," gushes RN Katherine Quinn, wiping away tears. "I’d always hoped it would be me, but I honestly didn’t think my work would...