New CPR Mannequin to More Accurately Reflect Average American
WASHINGTON – The American Heart Association (AHA) announced today the release of a new line of CPR mannequins, designed to more accurately reflect the...
Joint Commission Cites Itself as a Major Hindrance to Medical Care
CHICAGO, IL - This past Thursday, the Joint Commission officially cited itself as a major obstacle for patient care and safety. The Joint Commission released in...
Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR)...
Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...
Lineup Released for Boo-Boo Fest 2015
INDIO, CA - With an early morning Facebook post and Tweet, the Boo-Boo Fest Medical & Surgical Arts Festival revealed their highly-anticipated lineup for...
Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store
BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis. While in the hospital for over...
Blood Bank to Require More Paperwork, First-Born Child to Release Blood Products
GREENSBORO, NC - In an effort to cut down on costly blood product utilization, hospital administrators at Rocky High Hospital have put pressure on...
Entire Hospital IT Department Being Placed into Protective Custody After ‘Upgrading’ EMR
LOS ANGELES, CA - Yesterday evening, Have Mercy On Me Hospital in Los Angeles upgraded their electronic medical record (EMR) and what ensued can...
Neurologists Recommend Gas-X for Treatment of Brain Farts
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has updated their guidelines for the diagnosis and management of brain farts, a condition characterized...
Breaking: Urinary Bladder Placed on Trial for Voiding
ATLANTA, GA - "This voiding trial has begun!" Judge Emerson Rhodes III told a full-capacity, overly-distended courtroom in downtown Atlanta as he called order...