Patient Placed on “Crazy Precautions”
MANHASSET, NY - In a concern for a serious outbreak of crazy, Near Shore-Middle Island Jewish Medical Center went on high alert and placed...
Breaking News: Nurse’s Eyes Get Stuck After Aggressive Eye Roll
ORLANDO, FL - Beth Stanfield, a middle-aged nurse, was transported to the ophthalmology department earlier today when her eyes got stuck in an aggressive...
A Modern Hippocratic Oath for Hospital Administrators
Going forward, I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this cost-saving and value-added covenant:
I am an agent of change...
Local RN Reprograms IV Pump Alarm to Play Michael Bolton; Patients No Longer Report...
BUFFALO, NY - When one hears the epithet "problem solver," one recalls the inventors of Duct Tape, Ativan, Propofol, and Discharged AMA. Today, at...
Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote
WASHINGTON, DC - The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to vote this Election Day, but here's the problem: he's slow...
Littmann to Produce Separate Doctor and Nurse Stethoscopes Thanks to ‘The View’
NEW YORK, NY - "Why didn’t we think of that?" was the overwhelming question asked today by executives at Littmann, a company that produces...
Hospital Unveils Pain Scale That Goes to Eleven
VANCOUVER, BC - In the movie This is Spinal Tap, guitarist Nigel Tufnel proudly shows off an amplifier that turns up to eleven instead...
Popular New Manager Cool With Falls As Long As No Injury
SAN DIEGO, CA - Red State Regional Chief Nursing Officer, Dolly McGuire, took 10 minutes at the end of one of last week’s Daily...
20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...
Local Hospital Goes Green, Begins Tattooing ID Bracelets on Frequent Flyers to Limit Paper...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a move lauded by environmental groups and advocates for patient safety, local health system St. Indignant’s rolled out a...