Rookie Mistake: July Intern Grabs Cup of Decaf Coffee, Defeats the Purpose Entirely
NASHVILLE, TN - In a situation that can be described in no other way but shocking, neophyte July intern Elena Sanchez grabbed a cup...
As Americans Get Fatter, Nursing Recruits More Football Players and Weightlifters
ATLANTA, GA — An old joke asks, “What do you call a nurse with a bad back?” The punchline is “unemployed.” As Americans get...
Fortune Cookies Replace Lotto Numbers with Vital Signs
BROOKLYN, NY - In an effort to appeal to health care professionals who order Chinese food for take out because the cafeteria is closed, fortune...
OR Case Canceled Due to No Remaining Time Outs
The first case of the day at Saint Methodist Maplewood hospital was canceled due to no remaining time outs prior to incision.
Circulator, Renee Count...
New Nurse Surgeon General Unsure Who To Page About Nation’s Slightly Abnormal Magnesium Level
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Office of the Surgeon General was thrown into chaos late last night when newly-appointed Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Sylvia...
New Medical Unit Quiet Hours Now From 3 PM to 2:59 PM
NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
Doctor to Hand Out Metformin for Halloween
HOUSTON, TX – Local physician Dr. Sharma plans to hand out “Fun-Size” packages of metformin this Halloween.
“Pretty much every child develops diabetes on November...
Report: Ability to Wear Scrubs to Work is Only Thing Keeping Health Care Professionals...
CHICAGO, IL - According to a recent poll of nearly 20,000 health care professionals jointly conducted by the American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA), American...
CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors
ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...