Patients Love New Turkey Sandwich with Dilaudid & Benadryl: The Turlaudidryl Special
NEW ORLEANS, LA - In a brilliant new campaign to improve patient satisfaction scores at the expense of appropriate medical care, hospital administrators and...
New Littmann Stethoscope Allows You to Hear One’s Thoughts
ST. PAUL, MN - Manufacturer 3M has released a new Littman Mind-Reading I Stethoscope for health care practitioners to help diagnose someone else’s thoughts,...
Resident Goes Back To Preschool To Learn Basic Social Skills
Second Year Resident Jonathan Pratt was recently admitted to ABC Preschool to learn some basic social skills that are lacking in his hospital work....
American Nurses Association Pulls the Plug on Nursing Diagnosis
WASHINGTON, DC - After a close 38-to-35 vote, the leaders of the American Nurses Association (ANA) voted to eliminate the nursing diagnosis from nursing...
Drug Shortages Lead OR Pharmacies to Issue Motivational Items
Nationwide drug shortages have forced physicians to consider alternative ways to take care of patients. At the forefront of this movement is the National...
Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak,...
Health Care Providers Unsure What That Bright Yellow Glowing Orb is in the Sky
CHARLESTON, SC - In an eye-opening new study published in the latest issue of JAMA (Just Another Medical Association), researchers at The Medical University...
Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score
JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the...
“Hospital Sounds” Debuts at #1 on Billboard Music Charts
NEW YORK, NY - The music industry was stunned this week to find out that Hospital Sounds: The Sounds of the Hospital, an album...
After Super Bowl, Health Care Practitioners Ready to Diurese the Sh*t Out of Everyone
WASHINGTON, D.C. - With the completion of Super Bowl XLIX so too ends the weekend of Super Bowl parties, celebrations, and unhealthy eating. It...