Nursing

Patient Placed on “Crazy Precautions”

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MANHASSET, NY - In a concern for a serious outbreak of crazy, Near Shore-Middle Island Jewish Medical Center went on high alert and placed...
nurse eye roll

Breaking News: Nurse’s Eyes Get Stuck After Aggressive Eye Roll

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ORLANDO, FL - Beth Stanfield, a middle-aged nurse, was transported to the ophthalmology department earlier today when her eyes got stuck in an aggressive...
hospital administrator golfing

A Modern Hippocratic Oath for Hospital Administrators

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Going forward, I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this cost-saving and value-added covenant: I am an agent of change...
iv pump alarm

Local RN Reprograms IV Pump Alarm to Play Michael Bolton; Patients No Longer Report...

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BUFFALO, NY - When one hears the epithet "problem solver," one recalls the inventors of Duct Tape, Ativan, Propofol, and Discharged AMA.  Today, at...

Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to vote this Election Day, but here's the problem: he's slow...
nurse stethoscope

Littmann to Produce Separate Doctor and Nurse Stethoscopes Thanks to ‘The View’

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NEW YORK, NY - "Why didn’t we think of that?" was the overwhelming question asked today by executives at Littmann, a company that produces...

Hospital Unveils Pain Scale That Goes to Eleven

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VANCOUVER, BC - In the movie This is Spinal Tap, guitarist Nigel Tufnel proudly shows off an amplifier that turns up to eleven instead...

Popular New Manager Cool With Falls As Long As No Injury

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Red State Regional Chief Nursing Officer, Dolly McGuire, took 10 minutes at the end of one of last week’s Daily...
annoyed doctor stage 4 decubitus ulcer

20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales

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ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...

Local Hospital Goes Green, Begins Tattooing ID Bracelets on Frequent Flyers to Limit Paper...

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a move lauded by environmental groups and advocates for patient safety, local health system St. Indignant’s rolled out a...