Nursing

Contact Precautions Stethoscope Will Be Replaced With Drawing of Stethoscope

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CHARLESTON, SC - In an effort to cut down on cost and auscultation, hospitals are deciding to change to a illustrated picture of a stethoscope. "This is much better," Harris Sumfeld told reporters. Mr....
doctor upset

Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”

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TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH) are now considering renaming medical doctors (MDs) to something much...
surgical bouffant

Surgeons are Furious! The Bouffant vs. The Skull Cap

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For decades, the skull cap has been the surgical cap of choice for many surgeons across the country.  Recently, hospitals have begun banning the use of skull caps in favor of the bouffant hat...
moonupping sundowning

Sundowning to be Referred to as Moonupping from Hereonin

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LOS ANGELES, CA - The American Academy of Naming Medical Things (AANMT) has issued a mandated that sundowning will now be referred to as moonupping until further notice.  The terminology switch is effective at...

Mutated Pediatric Names Linked to Higher Mortality

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ATLANTA, GA - The lead article in this month’s Journal of Pediatric Critical Care started with a few simple observations. "I had two patients in my ICU simultaneously," said lead author Dr. Jessica Kantor.  "Both...

Inventor of “Dimaudid” Takes Company Public, Makes Billions

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NEW YORK, NY - An attending physician of emergency medicine at New York City Hospital recently took her private pharmaceutical company public, making a personal profit of two billion dollars in a single day,...
pens

Nurses, Doctors on Pace to Lose Over 1 Trillion Pens in 2015

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CHICAGO, IL - In a study published in the latest issue of the New England Journal of Penmanship (NEJP), researchers have found that healthcare practitioners across the country have picked up their A game...

Patient Still 10/10 Pain Even After a ‘Being-Set-On-Fire’ Analogy

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NEWARK, NJ - Patient Deborah Skemp woke up today at 6:30 a.m. during rounds by her physician Dr. Waters.  He asked her the usual morning questions that one would ask for a typical abdominal pain...
icu patient

Nurse Keeps Dead Patient to Prevent Another Admission

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CHARLESTON, SC - Nurse Missy Croney neglected to tell the charge nurse her patient was deceased because she couldn’t stand the idea of gaining a new admit.  “I’m so stressed already.  I don’t have...