Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak, MD, MPH, would be replaced by a 15-year veteran surgical...

Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays

NEW ORLEANS, LA - Members of a multidisciplinary inpatient team at Tulane University left a family meeting this morning scratching their heads, as they honored their patient and family’s unusual wish to make the...
registered nurses

Hospital Administrators Rename RNs to ‘Refreshments and Narcotics’

TAMPA, FL - In order to comply with new government healthcare regulations involving patient satisfaction, hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital have decided to rename registered nurses (RNs) to a more appropriate title, “Refreshments and...
happy hour for health care workers

The Medical Professional Development Drinking Game

All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time.  Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to "change the culture" or a departmental meeting to cover someone’s...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...
toliet flushing medications

NIH Plans to Study Why Narcotics, Benzos Fall Into Sinks, Toilets Excessively

BETHESDA, MD - Last week, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) stated that it has $2 million in grant money set aside for a study examining the relationship between prescription narcotics and benzodiazepines and indoor...

Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR

SAN ANTONIO, TX -  Citing the shocking incidence of "never event" wrong-sided CPR (commonly known as WroSC), the Joint Commission issued new guidelines today mandating a 42-step timeout prior to the initiation of CPR...
discharge summary

ICU Transfer Arrives with Hospital Summary on a Napkin

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - An 83-year-old man was transferred to the University Hospital Critical Care Unit from an outside hospital on Tuesday, with a small napkin describing relevant aspects of his 14-day course. The ICU...

Doctors Getting Nursing Degrees to Stay Competitive

BOSTON, MA - Nurse Shannon Wilkens on floor 4 West thought she saw someone she knew in scrubs walking into room 414.  "He was tall, I swore he looked familiar.  Our charge nurse informed me he was recently...

Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters

As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are: Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.       ...