Monday, September 21, 2020

Nursing

Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak, MD, MPH, would be replaced by a 15-year veteran surgical...
DNR

Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Members of a multidisciplinary inpatient team at Tulane University left a family meeting this morning scratching their heads, as they honored their patient and family’s unusual wish to make the...
registered nurses

Hospital Administrators Rename RNs to ‘Refreshments and Narcotics’

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TAMPA, FL - In order to comply with new government healthcare regulations involving patient satisfaction, hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital have decided to rename registered nurses (RNs) to a more appropriate title, “Refreshments and...
happy hour for health care workers

The Medical Professional Development Drinking Game

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All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time.  Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to "change the culture" or a departmental meeting to cover someone’s...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

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ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking in through triage. Just as in his restaurant, a single file...
naptime for medical residents

Naptime Now Required for Residents per GME Guidelines

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) just passed a new residency requirement that mandates residents and interns to take a 30-minute power nap between the hours of 1 p.m. and 1:30...

Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease

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NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases."  Unfortunately, our nation's emergency department doctors and nurses are plagued with...

Report: Nurse’s Candy Drawer, Only Chocolate Laffy Taffy and Dum Dums Left

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CARDIAC FLOOR - Reports around the hospital are the nurse’s candy drawer on the cardiac floor has run cold. "You mean to tell me I started rounds on the 7th floor only to have the drawer picked...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

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JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...
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