Pharmacy

Local Doctor Consults Sauron to Create the One Pill to Cure Them All

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“I was at my wits’ end with these chronic pain patients,” Local doctor Fro Doe told reporters. “They keep coming in over and over...
Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

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ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame...

Pharmacist Struggling to Calculate Dinner Tip

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OCEANSIDE, NY - Inpatient pharmacist Mark Donato, beloved and trusted by his fellow physicians and other medical providers for being able to “dose anything,”...
dilaudid

Report: Nurse on 3rd Floor Excited to Give 0.1 mg of Dilaudid

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CHICAGO, IL – Local nurse Melissa Jacobson’s shift just got better when she noticed what was written for pain medication on her patient. “Oh,...

Shark Attack Victim Denied Narcotics

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PENSACOLA BEACH, FL - Skip Sanders alternated between spearfishing and surfing, depending on the waves.  Yesterday, an errant harpoon from his spear gun grazed...

Drug Prices Outta Control: Man Spends 3 Months’ Salary on Vaginal Contraceptive Ring for...

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INTERCOURSE, PA—The great Beyoncé once never said, “If you didn’t want it, you shoulda put a ring in it.” As everyone surely doesn’t remember,...
multivitamins

New Multivitamin Cures Cancer, Heart Disease, Famine, Evil

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SAN DIEGO, CA - A new miracle multivitamin released by pharmaceutical company Pfizer last month has taken the world by storm as it not...
pharmacy

Pharmacy Creates Express Line for Psychotropic Drugs

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HOUSTON, TX - A local pharmacy has taken a novel approach to meet the need of patients’ hectic schedules.  Whereas most pharmacies disperse medication on...

Pharmacy No Longer Accepting Scripts Written in Crayon, Dr. Muppet: ‘Me Angry!’

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ORLANDO, FL – The outpatient pharmacy at Orlando Regional Medical Center (ORMC) has issued a hospital-wide memo Monday that they will stop accepting prescription...
pharmacist

Pharmacists Reassure Worried Public They’ll Never Run Out of GoLytely

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BRAINTREE, MA—From antibiotics to analgesics and anesthetics to ACLS drugs, there is an underreported epidemic of drug shortages in America. With over 140 vital...