Pediatrics

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

0
BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus...
pediatric tantrum

Pediatric Resident Refuses to Relinquish Caught Nose‏

0
HOUSTON, TX- A 12-hour stand-off with law enforcement involvement took place today at the outpatient pediatric clinic at Texas Children's Hospital. In what appears...

Vaccines Cause Children to Love Minecraft

0
It really couldn’t be more obvious, just look around.  We NEVER saw a child playing Minecraft when I was growing up, never.  Now it’s...
anti vaccine brain

Mutations in the Anti-Vaxxers’ Brain Discovered

0
Scientists have made a major breakthrough in understanding the brain functions of anti-vaccine proponents (anti-vaxxers).  Mutations in the Y74 gene encode for these transformations.  Environmental...
surgeon biopsy malignant fusion

Surgery Residents Bring Other MDs to Work for a Day

0
5:00 am: Arrive at hospital. Peds and Psych are borderline comatose still. Medicine seems confused to find that the hospital lights work this early in...
female physician

Physician Still Hasn’t Received Her Big-Pharma Payout

0
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Newly-minted attending physician, Dr. Lindsay Moliarty, has a pile of bills to pay: $200,000 in student loans that has accrued...

Pediatrician About to Call Surgery to Lay Hands on Another Punky-Looking Kiddo

7
2AM, KNOXVILLE, TN - According to seventh floor pediatrics ward sources, local pediatrician and hospitalist Dr. Jerry Dirkins is about to call for another...

Pumpkin Wishing It Didn’t Turn Down the Gardasil Vaccine

0
PUMPKIN PATCH - Local pumpkin really wishing it didn't turn down a Gardasil shot this year. "I have all these bumps all over myself,"...
APGAR 10 Apgart Apgar(t) troponin troponins

Breaking News! Baby Scores Perfect APGAR Scores of 10 and 10

5
ST. LOUIS, MO - GomerBlog is on the scene of breaking news coming out of Busch Hospital in St. Louis, Missouri.  Initial reports are indicating...

Vaping Company Denies New Breastmilk-Flavored E-Cigarette Targets Newborn

0
SEATTLE, WA—A Seattle-based vaping company has been forced into damage control amidst claims that its new e-cigarette targets newborns. The basis for the claims...