Medical Professions as NFL Teams
Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.
Orthopaedics are the...
Surgeon General: Generation of Adults, Unwisely Formula-Fed as Infants, Should Start Getting Breastfed Now
WASHINGTON, DC—Mrs. Beaumont came home early one day last week and walked in on her 50-year-old husband sucking on the nipple of a gorgeous...
Mutations in the Anti-Vaxxers’ Brain Discovered
Scientists have made a major breakthrough in understanding the brain functions of anti-vaccine proponents (anti-vaxxers). Mutations in the Y74 gene encode for these transformations. Environmental...
Lost Your Car in the Hospital Garage? Order a Consult
If it has happened once, it has happened a million times: you forgot where you parked. It is the end of the day and...
Pediatrics Consulted for Adult Temper Tantrum on 5 West
El PASO, TX – Yesterday, at approximately 2:34 pm, on the 5th floor of Holy Cross Hospital, a STAT pediatrics consult was called in for...
Mother More Emotionally Attached to Instant Pot Than Newborn Baby
AUSTIN, TX - Gomerblog has learned that Jenna Barley, a first-time mother who gave birth to a beautiful young baby girl just two weeks...
CDC Recommends IV Dilaudid to Treat Foot Pain Caused by Stepping on a Stray...
ATLANTA, GA - Finally acknowledging it as the most painful thing a human being can ever experience, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)...
Veterinarians Overdiagnosing Pets with ADD
BETHESDA, MD - The National Institutes of Health (NIH) released a troubling report which suggested that veterinarians in the U.S. are overprescribing stimulants to...
Breaking: Nurse Successfully Resuscitates CPR Dummy Back to Human Life
NEW ORLEANS, LA - In some incredible news, critical care nurse Margie Casamento at Tulane Medical Center became the first health care practitioner to successful...