TAMPA BAY, FL – Zelda Wilkins credits her “high pain tolerance” as the only way she can handle her affliction with pseudoseizures. Despite frequenting four different hospital systems within the city, 93% of ER physicians polled recognize Zelda at a glance.
“Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurses station.
“Oh, Nick, so good to see you again, I just can’t seem to get these seizures under control,” she said, briefly looking up from her iPhone 5. “The only thing that seems to cure these seizures is morphine and Ativan.”
“I see,” said Dr. Weise, while actually trying to swallow his own tongue, literally.
“Oh, I think another one might be coming,” she said, almost threateningly.
“You know Zelda, during seizures it is not uncommon for patients to actually lose control of their bodily functions, sometimes even peeing on themselves,” he said.
“Really?” Zelda asked.
“Really,” he said, leaving the room.
Dr. Weise then returned to the nursing station, after reviewing the negative laboratory evaluations that had been done 2, 3, 6, 8, and 11 days previously. Dr. Weise informed the patient the he decided against treating her with Ativan and morphine. He then attempted to go to another room only to have his spine lock in terror.
“Doctor Weeeeeeeeise, I’m having a seizurrre for real right nowwww, come seeee!” she said triumphantly.
Dr. Weise took one glance at the urine soaked pants of Ms. Wilkins, once again confirming his suspicions about her. The patient grinned while rhythmically shaking her arms and rolling her eyes back in her head.
“I told you! Can I get some Ativan now?” she asked while watching the single tear fall from Dr. Weise’s weary face.
Dr. Weise then collapsed to the ground and pretended to thrash around until he was removed away from the patient by others.
After finding out she would not be receiving morphine and Ativan, Zelda eloped from the emergency department. Dr. Weise could not be further interviewed due to the fact that whenever we mentioned her name, he would have another pseudoseizure.
Pseudo doesn’t mean fake in this context, it means it mimicks a seizure but is non-epileptic. Pseudoseizures are also called psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. They ARE real seizures, just not neurologically based. The woman in the story is obviously malingering for attention and medication, which means she isn’t suffering from real Pseudoseizures and isn’t suffering from a conversion disorder. ERs are not equipped to be handling complex psychological distress, anyway. That being said, it’s just a story and not offensive to people suffering from these seizures because she obviously is faking them. Your comment insinuating that the condition that plagues my life is fake was insulting, however. I have these seizures alone in conjunction with panic attacks. Why would I have these seizures by myself if they were fake? I have no one to get attention from. My EEGs are also abnormal while having panic attacks, so it does have a physical basis. The moral of my novel is that malingering and non-epileptic seizures are two completely different things.
Educate yourself on being an idiot
OMG every ER has a couple of these
no i means not real like my body finds them real it is a diagnoses and is caused by heavy level of stress it is a real thing, look it up. Educate yourself.
You do realize pseudo means fake right? So basically you just told us you have real fake seizures… And that Ativan helps them…. And you realize this is a pseudo artical too…
I actually have real Pseudo seizures and ativan does help but I don’t fake them. This entire article is insulting to be honest. This woman is an asshole, it’s sad because people who really have the condition now will be judged because of this. :( I really do have these it’s caused by extreme stress. And I only take ativan when they won’t stop. Usually they end on their own and no medication is needed.
I actually have real Pseudo seizures and ativan does help but I don’t fake them. This entire erticle is insulting to be honest. This woman is an asshole, it’s sad because people who really have the condition now will be judged because of this. :( I really do have these it’s caused by extreme stress. And I only take ativan when they won’t stop. USually they end on their own and no medication is needed.
Ammonia ampoule taped inside a NRB mask at 15L O2. Too much?
TOO funny! Since I started working at a jail 4 months ago, I have attended well over 20 ‘seizures.’ Only one was real.
I wish the general public believed that this is the way it really is…. They think this is a joke!
Sherry M Miller
This had us laughing pretty hard!
Unfortunately, I think we all know zelda.
Love it. We need to be able to do this without getting into trouble.
Peanut Butter Balls, STAT, James Collins!!!
Bwahahaha! I should try that! Irritating patient with ‘non-organic hearing loss’ trying to fake their way to a govt check…’sorry! I’ve had a temporary threshold shift!’
Didn’t even read it yet…but already love it!
Doctors’ pseudoseizures presents localized to legs as they moon walk out of the room.
So is being told you need to be catheterized to prevent any accidents.
Ha! inhaled ammonia is an excellent remedy for pseudoseizures.
Gold..
I think I know Zelda, too! LOL
““Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurse’s station”
hahahahaha oh god i love this