NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Reutgers Medical Center recently announced that it may operate this Thanksgiving weekend without any hospital administrators in-house.  “We have been practicing trial runs by having an on-call administrator on Saturdays but taking Sundays completely off,” Janet Summers VP of nursing told reporters.

universityhospital“I don’t think one administrator slept that first night when we let the hospital fly solo by not having [24-hour administrator] coverage.  When we arrived to work the next day, at 9 o’clock, not one adverse event had occurred!” she continued.  “This 96-hour span will really make us sweat.”

Reutgers is prepared to have nearly every “essential worker” stay home to “increase morale.”  They want these “critical employees” spending time with “family and friends.”  Those excluded from the free weekend include doctors, nurses, PAs, NPs, RTs, pharmacists, and most other health care professionals.

“How this hospital will function and avoid anarchy is beyond me, but being with family is very important,” said Kevin Salzar, hospital CEO, who reluctantly signed off on the deal. “Let’s see if these doctors and nurses can pull it off.  We have left them with pages of documentation and procedural papers for them to read, so they know how to practice medicine.  Heck, many in our administration have been doing their job for 20 years.  Of course they know how to tell doctors and nurses what to do by paper memo.”

The official memo warns administrators to prepare for a Monday “full of meetings to second-guess everything that happened over the long weekend.”

Nurses on 4 West have talked about having several meetings to discuss what they will talk about at future meetings if things start to get out of hand.  “My white coat has at least 50 satisfaction surveys if I get into a bind,” Dr. Hemsworth told reporters.

Other University affiliated hospitals are cautious of such a bold move.  “We officially warn Reutgers to exercise great caution with this move.  Will the monetary savings actually be worth the lives that will be lost by the lack of satisfaction surveys, committee meetings, and TPS reports that will have to wait until the following week?  We think not,” said Donald French, a top administrator for Miami University.

When reached for comment Reutgers responded, “Don’t worry it wasn’t a cost-savings decision.  All administrators will still receive their Thanksgiving bonus, we will save money by cutting holiday pay to nurses.”

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