Tips: How to Keep Your Necktie Nice & Colonized
So who doesn’t love neckties? Not only do they strangle your windpipe, but they also spread disease with reckless abandon. Cheers to that! Here...
Patient Can’t Wait to Yank Out Foley, Cause Bloodbath
ATLANTA, GA - In exciting news today, patient Arnold Starks has announced that later today he will yank out his Foley with "full force...
Rosetta Stone Unlocks Mystery of Ophtho Notes
LONDON, ENGLAND - In breaking news, archeologists have uncovered a missing piece to the Rosetta Stone, the ancient stone slab on which the Memphis decree...
Anesthesiologist General Requests Senate Democrats Continue to Perform all Presidential Blocks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move sure to frustrate the President, Anesthesiologist General Dr. Jerome Adams has decided that he will not perform any...
CDC: Medical Noncompliance Actually Caused by Virus
ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has discovered a new virus that causes medical noncompliance, thereby...
Daredevil Patient on Bed Jumps Through Ring of Fire
LAS VEGAS, NV - Patient Brian McDowell put on a show for the ages, as he became the first patient on a hospital bed to...
Healthy Ambulating Male Continues to Ask Nurses for Urinal
ATTLEBORO, MA - A very upset Ronald Stern is suing Sturdy Memorial Hospital for the pain and suffering he experienced when his nurse asked...
PGA Pro Becomes Hospital Administrator to Make More Money, Play More Golf
SCOTTSDALE, AZ - After three mediocre years on the Tour, 28-year-old PGA pro Blake Johnson announced that he is calling it quits and starting...
New Surgical-Themed Starbucks Drinks
The highly successful sales campaign of Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino has got the Starbucks’ marketing team all fired up and ready to target another demographic...
Ophthalmologists Bracing Themselves for Full Day of Work After Solar Eclipse
SALEM, OR - Ophthalmologists throughout the country are bracing themselves for what could be an entire day of work immediately after the solar eclipse...