Hamburglar Diagnosed with Colon Cancer
MCDONALDLAND - In sad news today, the Hamburglar, who amused children for years with his antics and unstoppable desire for hamburgers, was diagnosed with...
Cardiothoracic Surgeon Identifies as Medical Student, Crushes Surgery Rotation
When asked if she felt like she had an unfair advantage against clearly weaker competition, Dr. Beer was unapologetic. “I felt like a student in my heart so I was just living my true self.”
Traffic Report: Pile-Up In Front of OR 21
HOUSTON, TX - At approximately 5:13 PM today there was a multiple-bed collision in front of OR 21 causing a delay in all outbound...
Breaking News: Operating Room Finishes On-Time
In a bizarre occurrence, the operating theatre at St Margaret’s Hospital managed to complete a full caseload without delays or running “over time.”
Despite best...
Avascular Necrosis Renamed to Slow Chronic Unfixable Bone Atrophy (SCUBA) to Stop Unnecessary STAT...
BONE ISLAND, FL - A condition long known by a scary-sounding name has been renamed at the American Society for Surgeons of the Hand...
Lyft Offshoot FaceLyft Offers Patients Rides To, From Plastic Surgeons
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Catering to the very specific niche of passengers needing rides to and from their plastic surgery appointments, Lyft's new offshoot...
‘Arrival’ Heroine, Dr. Louise Banks, Tries to Decipher Wordless Language of Orthopods
MONTANA - After playing a critical role in deciphering the language of the alien squid-like heptopods as chronicled in last year's real-life documentary Arrival,...
Breaking: Surgeon Removes Perforated Appendix from Textbook
NASHVILLE, TN - A general surgeon at Vanderbilt University, Dr. James Cavalier, has successfully removed an inflamed and perforated appendix from his copy of...
Crayola Releases New Colors of Emergency Codes
EASTON, PA - In an effort to overhaul and better standardize emergency codes and make “Everything Imaginable” for health care providers, Crayola has announced...
What Your Doctor or Nurse Means When They Say Your Loved One is ‘Doing...
The devil is in the details and, for patients and family members, those details can be hard to squeeze out of those shifty doctors...