Surgery on a Grape: Behind the Drapes
By now, everyone has seen the videos of the da Vinci robotic surgery system being used to skin a grape, and the memes that...
Ortho Defeats Da Vinci in Good Ole Fashioned Arm-Wrestling Match
DURHAM, NC - An anticipated nail-biter that didn't end up going the distance, orthopedic surgeon Barrett Stonewall easily defeated the Da Vinci Surgical Robot...
Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote
WASHINGTON, DC - The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to vote this Election Day, but here's the problem: he's slow...
Meet CrossSh*t, The High-Intensity Bowel Program
SANTA CRUZ, CA - The founders of CrossFit Greg Glassman and Lauren Jenai have announced the creation of a new strength and conditioning program to...
Tom Brady Suffers Congestive Arm Failure
Foxborough, MA - In a shocking development that could spell the end of his storied football career, Tom Brady developed acute congestive arm failure...
Breaking: If Orthopaedic Surgeons Were Actually Good at Sports They’d Play Them Professionally
PHOENIX, AZ - At this year’s annual meeting of the Bro Orthopaedic Navy Extremity Surgeons (BONES), BONES President Buck Cravedigger made a shocking admission...
To Control Patient Volumes, Hospital Takes Down Hospital Signs Within 5-Mile Radius
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Exhausted from record levels of ER visits as reflected in recent CEDOCS scores, emergency department staff at University of Alabama at Birmingham...
Skilled Phlebotomist Draws Blood from Aorta
NASHVILLE, TN - Warned ahead of time that the patient was a notoriously difficult stick, madly-skilled phlebotomist Mattie Stevenson pulled off a neat little...
Female Surgery Resident Reliant on VA Harassment for Affirmation
LOCAL VA HOSPITAL - In what has been deemed a natural progression of surgical training, local resident Sara Lowell now counts on her interactions with patient...