Surgery

Introducing the ‘Dude-Vinci,’ The 1st Robot for Orthopedic Surgery

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DAYTON, OH - A cutting-edge surgical robot has been approved by the FDA and purchased for use in the orthopedic suite at a local...
water balloon

Normal Saline vs. Lactated Ringer’s: Results of a Phase 3 Randomized Quadruple-Blind Clinical Water...

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BACKGROUND: The superiority of Lactated Ringer’s solution (LR) or normal saline (NS) in fluid resuscitation in a variety of medical and surgical scenarios remains...
Tom Price

Tom Price to Stabilize ACA Marketplaces with Intramedullary Nails

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Secretary of Health & Human Services and former orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has suggested that the best way to stabilize Affordable...

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Consults IT, Tries Turning Heart Off Then Back On Again

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Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Richard White is always willing to collaborate with the health care team so he called St, Francis Hospital’s help desk today...
Wheel of Foreskin

Pat Sajak, Vanna White to Host New Urologic Game Show, Wheel of Foreskin

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CULVER CITY, CA - NBC and the American Urological Association (AUA) have announced that power game-show duo Pat Sajak and Vanna White will be co-hosting a...
new fda pill

FDA Approves First Antibiotic/Male Impotence Drug: Mycoxaflopin

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Federal Drug Administration has recently approved the first medication that will combat both bacterial infections and male impotence.  Mycoxaflopin, a...
coughing

As Nurse Leans In for a Listen, Patient Can Think of No Better Time...

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BOSTON, MA - As Nurse Ned Franks leans in with a stethoscope to listen, patient Andy Charles can think of no better time today than right...

Jesus Christ Himself Scheduled to Perform Miracle, Patient Furious with being NPO

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Mr. Jacobs’ primary team was thrilled when their hospital operator was finally able to get through to Jesus Christ regarding the miracle they were...
pooh

Winnie Can’t Pooh, Needs Surgical Intervention

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SUSSEX, ENGLAND - In breaking news, Winnie the Pooh can't pooh and is in fact obstructed, necessitating surgical intervention.  "Oh, D-D-Dear!" cried Piglet.  "I...