Ophtho Emergently Consulted to Reattach Mr. Potato Head’s Eyes
BROOKLYN, NY - Emergency room physicians at Maimonides Medical Center did not waste any time consulting ophthalmology to restore the vision of Mr. Potato...
Hipster Loses Left Testicle Due to Excessively Tight Pants
WILLIAMSBURG, NY - Hipster Fletcher Jones was admitted to the emergency room last night with numbness and tingling around the groin. The incident occurred...
The Updated Hippocratic Oath for Health Care Professionals
I swear by Epic Hyperspace, by eCW, by Allscripts, by AthenaHealth, and by all the Coders and Accountants, making them my witnesses, that I...
AANS Now Requires Coumadin Gauntlet Prior to Starting Anticoagulation
CHICAGO, IL - Due to a recent study that has shown how the simple act of taking anticoagulant medications increases one’s fall risk, and...
MS3 Responsible for Additional 50cc Blood Loss During Surgery for Doing ‘The Dab’ Instead...
AKRON, OH - After working in academics for over 20 years in Gynecology, Dr. Marshall thought she had seen it all. But a whole...
Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)
All the bickering of which is best
The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone,
The rest
Pittance such luxury
Lacking any test
Pittance yes!
Void of existential quest
Ver-Sed,...
Pathologists Find Emotional Scars Also Made of Collagen
CHICAGO, IL - A fascinating new report from the American Society for Clinical Pathology (ASCP) explains emotional scars are actually made up of the...
Dior’s New Yellow Isolation Ballroom Gowns are Stunning
PARIS, FRANCE - In breaking news that has the fashion industry stirring, designers at Christian Dior are bringing style back into isolation rooms by...
The American Medical Association’s New Guidelines for Treating Millennials
Though medicine continues to advance with new technologies and innovations, one invaluable tool has withstood the test of time: the medical interview. The medical...
Local ED Refuses to Take Care of Firework Injuries This July 4th
NEW BERN, NC - A local New Bern emergency department has made it abundantly clear to the town that they will be refusing to...