The Epic EHR Bartender
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace!
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Pick from this list.
Patron: Hmm…...
Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus
BOSTON, MA - Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were dumbfounded this morning when they found that a note by...
Breaking: Gastroenterologist Thinks Patient is Full of Sh*t
COOKEVILLE, TN - A local gastroenterologist by the name of Baxter Jones completely shocked patient Mason Watts and his family when he flat out...
Med Student Wins Award for ‘Best Suture Scissor-Cutting Technique’
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Anna Sturgeon is this year's recipient of the prestigious award for "Best Suture Scissor-Cutting Technique." She narrowly beat another top...
Orthopedic Surgeon Accidentally Intubates Patient in OR
MANSFIELD, OH - In a bizarre reversal of fate, a local orthopaedic surgeon accidentally inserted an endotracheal tube into a patient’s airway while draping...
‘Drama Surgery’ Officially Listed as New Specialty by ACGME
This fall, fourth-year medical students everywhere are able to apply to a ‘woke’ new specialty: Drama Surgery.
“Due to the increasing number of millennials interested...
Medical Center Starts New ‘Something Surgical’ Residency
TRIANGLE CITY, NC – In an effort to recruit more medical students to its struggling graduate medical education (GME) program, Central State Regional Medical...
Rectal Tone of Anesthesiologists Varies with Patients’ Oxygen Saturation
BERLIN, GERMANY - A new and controversial study out of the esteemed Higginstein Community Surgery Center describes a curious phenomenon regarding rectal tone of anesthesiologists...
Patient Boldly Quits Smoking Day Before Surgery
CINCINNATI, OH – Local resident Charles Shoemaker has decided to stop smoking the day before his total knee replacement. "I’ve heard there are many...
Orthopod Writes a Longer Note Than Hospitalist: Metaphysical Calamity Ensues
KEARNEY, NE - Fatefully cleaving the time line in two, an orthopedic surgeon at Kind Humanitarian Hospital (KHH) wrote a progress note longer than...