“Hospital Sounds” Debuts at #1 on Billboard Music Charts
NEW YORK, NY - The music industry was stunned this week to find out that Hospital Sounds: The Sounds of the Hospital, an album...
Hospital Merges with Fast Food, Tobacco Companies to ‘Stay Competitive’
CHICAGO, IL - As you pass by the ER entrance at Cook County Hospital, the unmistakable aroma of grease, processed burgers, and cigarette smoke...
Study: Heimlich Maneuver Not Effective on Choking Athletes
AUGUSTA, GA - On the heels of Jordan Spieth's epic collapse during the final round of the Masters in April, a study published in...
Sticks & Stones Didn’t Break Area Man’s Bones, Words Did
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Local Ralph Merriam is one lucky man. Thanks to his medical team and over six hours of emergent surgery, Merriam is...
Anesthesiologist in Flap Room Refutes Reports of Peegasms, Calls for Multicenter Prospective Trial
Dr. I. Kaffeinate is prominent Canadian anesthesiologist who is raising doubts about a recently reported article1 in which urologists were warning women of a...
Orthopod Writes a Longer Note Than Hospitalist: Metaphysical Calamity Ensues
KEARNEY, NE - Fatefully cleaving the time line in two, an orthopedic surgeon at Kind Humanitarian Hospital (KHH) wrote a progress note longer than...
Ophthalmologist Dresses Up as Doctor for Halloween
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Sporting a stethoscope and a white coat, 58-year-old ophthalmologist Donald Myers decided to dress up as a real life doctor for...
CDC Recommends Not Tying Gown in Back to Promote Airflow Through Ass Crack
ATLANTA, GA - After a thorough review of the evidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) will make the formal recommendation that...
New General Electric MRI Scanner 20 Times Louder Than Ever
SCHENECTADY, NY - General Electric (GE) plans to revolutionize the course of magnetic resonance (MR) history once more when later this month they introduce...
New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday...