Surgery

therapeutic hypothermia

Increased Consults for ‘Cold Extremities’ Occurring During Snowstorm, ER Docs Puzzled

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JERSEY CITY, NJ - A shortage of vascular surgeons has been discovered in the north- east due to an absurd amount a vascular consults...
cucumber water

ENT Physician Who Rebranded Ear Washes As “Cucumber Water Ear Lavages” Now A Billionaire

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BOCA RATON, FLORIDA -- Millennial hipsters have been rushing to their spas to experience a "cucumber water ear lavage" which is pretty much the...
anesthesiologist intubating

Anesthesiologist Calls Code Blue in Operating Room For True Emergency

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Today, a disastrous situation was narrowly averted at Gastric Bypass Takeback Hospital, when a code blue was announced to Operating...
55-hour ENERGY

FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has...
medical pager

Top 10 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Pager

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You and your pager have likely formed a long and memorable relationship together while sitting on your hip.  Over time the initial lust may...
medical consult

What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 1

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Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult.  What does that really mean?  In the first of...
gloves glove

Out of Mediums, Brave Nurse Grabs Small Gloves & Throws Caution to the Wind

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RALEIGH, NC - It's one of the those scary scenarios every health care professional has faced at one time or another in their medical...

American Board of General Surgery to Add Section on Barbering

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The governing body of General Surgery has announced in a press release that "barbering" would be added as a requirement for certification.  This in...

If Elected President, Dr. Ben Carson Plans to Continue Use of PAs & Impenetrable...

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BALTIMORE, MD - Dr. Ben Carson’s campaign for President is gaining steam, so much so that last week his physician assistant spokesperson needed to...

Hospital Administrators to Evaluate Surgeon’s Potential for Revenue Versus Headache Generation

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NASHVILLE, TN - Noted researchers Dr. Harvey Stephens and Dr. Phil Burman offer a new matrix for evaluating surgeons for employment.  The STAR (Surgeon...