“Miracle Cure” for Peripheral Vascular Disease Discovered at Major Academic Center by Medical Intern
The campus is aflutter with excitement as Dr. H. Simpson, preliminary medical intern extraordinaire, has found the cure for the incurable. No one in...
Northeast Hospital the First to Institute Eyebrow Covers
A recent change in the rules governing the role of hair coverage has caused a frenzy among all surgical staff. Whereas before, a bouffant...
Urology to Use Nutcracker in OR During the Holidays
TOPEKA, KS – Urologists at Mercy Hospital have announced plans to perform surgery with the help of an 8-foot-tall wooden nutcracker during the holiday...
Medical Student Dislocates C-Spine Due to Overzealous Nodding
BOSTON, MA - Medical students are being warned after James Pharrier, a 22-year-old student at University Medicale, suffered an atlanto-occipital joint dislocation upon over-zealously...
Patient Able to Get Dilaudid Just Before Leaving AMA
JACKSONVILLE, FL – Michael Redmond - a patient so regular to St. Joseph Hospital’s ER that if he doesn’t show up for a couple days,...
Sick of Scrub Machine Malfunctions Resident Gets Scrubs Tattooed on Body
CALIFORNIA CITY, CA - Jonathan Marconi, an anesthesia resident at the world-famous University of California at University of California (UCUC) Medical Center, had become...
Hospital Enacts New Mandatory Happy Hour for Employees
BOSTON, MA - "Go figure out the best way to improve patient safety and medical care at our hospital," was the charge that CEO of...
Surgeons Declare “Surgery Not Indicated in 2017”
CHICAGO, IL - Close the operating rooms! Surgeons worldwide have declared that "surgery is not indicated in 2017," instead calling this upcoming year "the...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
Ortho Consults Medicine to See if It’s Spelled Orthopedics or Orthopaedics
BOSTON, MA - Unable to settle a decades-long debate amongst themselves, orthopods at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) have swallowed their pride and consulted their...