Bovie Electrocautery Receives FDA Approval for Cutting Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, MD - In an unprecedented move by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), Bovie electrocautery has been approved for both incisional and excisional...
Orthopedics Consults Infectious Diseases for Potential Computer Virus
NEW ORLEANS, LA - Dr. Joseph Dell of Orthopedic Surgery was hoping it would be a calm day; no surgeries were scheduled and his...
Proctologists Have Record 2015, as Many Were Butthurt on the Internet
The National Association of Proctologists (NAP) reported record profits for proctologists in 2015 as an unprecedented number of people were butthurt from internet-related postings....
Peyton Manning No Longer Has The Arm Strength to Deliver Papa John’s Pizzas
DENVER, CO - According to Denver Broncos team doctors, aging 39-year-old quarterback Peyton Manning’s arm strength has significantly diminished to the point where he...
Jealous of Surgeons’ Da Vinci, Anesthesia Demands Robot of Their Own
KEARNEY, NE - Growing increasingly dissatisfied with the benefits of a automaton and robotics enjoyed by their colleagues on the other side of the...
So You’re Paged While in a Bouncy House, What to Do Next
There you are, jumping around happily in a bouncy house when the unthinkable happens: you get paged. Well, maybe not unthinkable since you are...
Urologist Performs World’s First Successful Transurethral Resection of the Colon
CLEVELAND, OH - Renowned Cleveland Clinic urologist Dr. Jebron Lames has made history today by performing the world's first successful transurethral resection of the...
Santa Claus Aspirates Milk, Cookies after Ignoring NPO Guidelines
NORTH POLE, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SIBERIA & ALASKA - Christmas has been canceled as Santa Claus fights for his life in the ICU. Thankfully he...
Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions
CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans,...