Patient Can’t Wait to Yank Out Foley, Cause Bloodbath
ATLANTA, GA - In exciting news today, patient Arnold Starks has announced that later today he will yank out his Foley with "full force...
Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease
NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases." Unfortunately,...
Laparoscopic Training Box Septic After Practice Session with Interns
An inanimate training apparatus, made up of a plastic box with holes to place a laparoscopic camera and graspers, is in critical condition after...
So Much for Denuclearization: Korean Leaders Pledge “Enucleation,” Ophtho Consulted
KOREAN PENINSULA - Though the goal for both North Korean leader Kim Jung Un and South Korean leader Moon Jae-in was for peace and...
Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score
JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the...
The Epic EHR Bartender
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace!
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Pick from this list.
Patron: Hmm…...
State Medical Board Disciplines Dr. Oz by Forcing Him Back to Clinical Practice
NEW YORK, NY - In a stunning conclusion to an ongoing debate about the future of Dr. Oz, the state medical board investigating him...
Hospital’s ‘Take Your Daughter to Work’ Day Not Such a Good Idea
ST. LOUIS, MO - Hepatobiliary surgeon Dr. Jeanne Devereux was disappointed. "How hard could it be?!" she fumed. "Just hold the damn retractor and...
Charting is Independent Risk Factor for DVT and PE, Study Finds
ROCHESTER, MN - Recognizing it is a form of immobilization in which health care professionals are unable to move around much, a study newly published...
Spouse of Surgical Resident Charged with Polygamy
YONKERS, NY - 27-year-old Emily Follingsworth was charged with polygamy yesterday in Yonkers, NY, days after her second wedding. Follingsworth, a spouse of a fifth-year neurosurgical...