Surgery

joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...
waiting on hold on phone

Fears Grow As Even More Doctors Die On Neverending Phone Hold

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ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released chilling statistics demonstrating an epidemic of doctor deaths while on endless phone holds.  "This is a disturbing trend,"...
Steve Bannon

Surgical Oncologist Successfully Resects Steve Bannon from National Security Council

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a press conference at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital early this morning, surgical oncologist Dr. H.R. McMaster was pleased to announce that he...
doctors and administrators clapping

Hospital Administrators Think High Healthcare Costs Fixed by Hiring More Hospital Administrators

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WASHINGTON, DC - CEOs of major US hospitals are breaking their silence and coming out in favor of hiring more hospital administrators.  CEO of...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

Patient Perfects ‘Sliding Scale Dilaudid’ Regimen at Home

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MONROE, NC - A North Carolina woman has invented a new pain management protocol for herself, and she has experienced incredible success with controlling...
hopscotch

Study: Hopscotch Leading Cause of Hip Fractures in Elderly

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BOSTON, MA - A byproduct of the children's game that has become an inexplicable epidemic among our baby boomers, a study newly published in...

New Intern Hands Attending Cup of Urine on Rounds

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CHICAGO, IL – New medical Intern, Dr. Alexa Friedrich, disappeared after presenting a patient to her attending physician.  She has been desperately trying to...
confused doctor

Attending Physician Stranded in Clinic Without a Resident: A Tale of Survival

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ST. LOUIS, MO – It was 9 AM on a Thursday morning and each clinic room was full in Dr. Tone’s colorectal clinic. “Sir, the...
PGA pro turns hospital administrator

PGA Pro Becomes Hospital Administrator to Make More Money, Play More Golf

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SCOTTSDALE, AZ - After three mediocre years on the Tour, 28-year-old PGA pro Blake Johnson announced that he is calling it quits and starting...
Trojan condom

It’s About Time: Trojan’s New Bulletproof Condoms to Protect Against STIs, Terrorists

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NEW YORK, NY - Focusing 2017 research and development dollars on the final sentence of their tagline "Trojan. Pleasure you want. Protection You Trust.," Trojan...