Surgery

confused surgeon

Surgeon Discovers He’s Not God, Chaos Ensues

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MOUNTAINDALE, OR - A general surgeon at Mountaindale Memorial was shocked to discover Tuesday night that he is not God, contrary to prior belief. Dr....
childhood obesity

Thai Cave Divers to Locate Obese Patient’s Genitals

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KEARNEY, NE - With options dwindling, all hopes rest on the heroic divers who saved the boys in Thailand to locate a 600-lb. man’s...
happy hour for health care workers

The Medical Professional Development Drinking Game

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All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time.  Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
garden gnome

Study: 90% Of Rectal Foreign Bodies Are Idiopathic

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - A recent retrospective review of Birmingham, Alabama confirms that 90% of rectal foreign bodies are idiopathic.  Colorectal surgeon Joshua P Dengle...
discharge summary

ICU Transfer Arrives with Hospital Summary on a Napkin

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT - An 83-year-old man was transferred to the University Hospital Critical Care Unit from an outside hospital on Tuesday, with a...

I Wish My Pager Had Less Irritating Sounds, Like Fork on Chalkboard & Midnight...

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In medical school, I found this ugly, indurated, black mass along my right lower quadrant, towards my inguinal crease.  It wasn’t tender per se,...

Big Pharma Launches Implantable Throat Filter Against Coronavirus

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A major pharmaceutical company has launched a device to fight against the COVID-19 pandemic. The state-of-the-art implantable throat filter was unveiled at a product...

Guy on Motorcycle Looking Forward to Donating His Organs

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CALIFORNIA – Harris Jasper, a 3-year rider of a Kawasaki Ninja, or crotch rocket, told friends and family that this year would likely be the year...
bloody armpits, bleeding armpits

Woman Not Sure if She’s Using Crutches Correctly

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TOWSON, MD - A local woman by the name of Mary Ellis, who sustained a fracture of her right medial sesamoid bone during a...