Orthopod Cuts Patient Load by Telling Them the Truth
PEMBROKE PINES, FL - In an amazing feat of political incorrectness, an orthopaedic surgeon cut his clinic volume of non-operative patients by half by simply...
Ophthalmologists Bracing Themselves for Full Day of Work After Solar Eclipse
SALEM, OR - Ophthalmologists throughout the country are bracing themselves for what could be an entire day of work immediately after the solar eclipse...
It’s About Time: Trojan’s New Bulletproof Condoms to Protect Against STIs, Terrorists
NEW YORK, NY - Focusing 2017 research and development dollars on the final sentence of their tagline "Trojan. Pleasure you want. Protection You Trust.," Trojan...
Wishing ‘Break a Leg!’ Increases Risk of Femur Fracture by 85%
ROSEMONT, IL - The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons reports that the theatrical superstition of wishing good luck to stage performers in the form of the...
An Internist’s Guide to Ophtho Abbreviations
Ophthalmology has so many alien abbreviations, it's like they have their own specialty. Thanks to the recent discovery of a missing piece of the...
GU’s Halloweiner Special: Wear Costume, Free Genital Exam
LINTHICUM, MD - The American Urological Association (AUA) is promoting men's health this October 31st by offering a one-day Halloweiner special: visit your urologist...
Sharapova Returns with Shriek So Strong Her Own Ear Bleeds
FLUSHING, NY - In the fourth game of the third set, Sharapova unleashed a powerful forehand winner with a shriek so piercing it caused...
Surgeon Recommends Amputation as Means of Improving Weight Loss Outcomes
LOS ANGELES, CA - Los Angeles-based vascular surgeon Dr. Jackson Dyers has begun recommending that his patients living with obesity undergo above the knee...
Retina Specialist to Further Subspecialize and Focus on Cones
NEW YORK, NY - Realizing that the ophthalmologic world of retina is still way too vast with its ten layers, retina specialist Jacob Vitreous has...
Salivation Army Collects Record Number of Oral Secretions for Those in Need
LONDON, ENGLAND - The Salivation Army, an organization renowned all the world over for its charitable efforts, has announced that a recent donation drive ending...