Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote
WASHINGTON, DC - The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to vote this Election Day, but here's the problem: he's slow...
A Revolutionary New Objective Pain Scale Could Replace the 0-10 Pain Scale
The conventional 0-10 pain scale used as “the fifth vital sign” has made caregivers complacent in pain management. A new scale has been devolved...
Game of Thrones Pain Scale
Are you like me and tired of giving the same old boring explanation of the 0-10 pain scale? Spice it up by using the...
Orthopod Caught Auscultating Ancef Pump
ATLANTA, GA - "Shhh," orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley told befuddled onlookers as he used a stethoscope (or, as he puts it, "a mini jump rope") to...
ENT Physician Who Rebranded Ear Washes As “Cucumber Water Ear Lavages” Now A Billionaire
BOCA RATON, FLORIDA -- Millennial hipsters have been rushing to their spas to experience a "cucumber water ear lavage" which is pretty much the...
USPSTF Recommends Against Getting Kicked in the Balls Repeatedly
BOSTON, MA - In an update of their 2006 recommendation statement, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) now recommends against getting kicked, smacked,...
Alternate Phrases for “This is a Very Pleasant…”
It’s not uncommon to start a history of present illness (HPI), assessment, or discharge summary with the following phrase: This is a very pleasant…...
Podiatrists Admit They’re Not Really Examining Patients, Just Tickling Them
TOEJAM LAKE, CA - At the 23rd annual National Podiatric Conference on Bunions, the board of directors voted 5-4 to admit what the public...
Hospital for Special Surgery Admits to not Being “That Special”
New York, NY- In an official announcement of something that has been known in ortho circles for quite some time, the Hospital for Special...