Breaking: Intern Can’t Hold It, Pees on Self
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Unable to speak up and hold his bladder any longer on morning rounds, surgical intern Chris McElroy decided to pee all over...
U.S. Women’s Relay Team Elects to Use Femur, Not Baton for Handoffs
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - For this week's upcoming track and field event, the USA Track & Field Women's 4x100m Team has announced that it has...
Uber Offers In-Hospital Patient Transport with UberGURNEY
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Uber’s success knows no bounds. After infiltrating cities across the world with their groundbreaking online-based transportation service, Uber is infiltrating...
Anesthesiologists Now Required by Law to Scratch Itching Surgeons During Operations
BOCA RATON, FL - The longstanding practice of anesthesiologists having to scratch surgeons in the operating room has now become codified into law. Effective next...
Ophthalmologists Report Hindsight More Like 20/80
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Top ophthalmologists announced this week that hindsight, long thought to be 20/20, is actually much closer to 20/80. “This is...
Nadal Calls Medical Timeout After Limbs Fall Off During Epic Rally
FLUSHING, NY - No. 1 seed Rafael Nadal cruised to victory in his opening match against Dujan Lajovic despite calling a brief medical timeout...
Pilot Makes Passengers NPO After Midnight for Flight Tomorrow
ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to minimize the risk of aspiration during tomorrow's three-hour East coast flight from Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport to Boston's Logan...
Oh No! Orthopedic Surgeon Got Plowed into a Snowbank
FARGO, ND - A tragedy hit the Fargo area when Sanford Medical Center learned one of their orthopedic surgeons was plowed into a snowbank.
"This is...
Forget Sheep: Orthopod Counts Bones to Fall Asleep Each Night
MUSCLE SHOALS, AL - Calling the domesticated ruminant animal too soft and fluffy for her liking, area orthopedic surgeon Dr. Tracey Hammerhead prefers counting...
Resident Wins Extra Shift for Violating Duty Hours
Tampa, FL - Calling the eighty hour work week “non-negotiable”, local Program Director Tom Keen was not pleased to learn that one of his...