Music Review: Radiohead’s Clinic A
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 QRS Complexes
The opening track is called “Everything is AV-Paced.” It is an adventure in arrhythmia, with drummer Phil Selway exploring the telemetric spectrum, first with alternating doses of bradycardia...
Canadian Provinces Presenting to the Emergency Room
British Columbia: 43-year-old female worried she accidentally overdosed on Gingko baba when she took two times the amount on her way to yoga. Feeling tingly inside.
Alberta: 30-year-old male requesting medication refill for Ativan. Here...
American College of Cardiology Seen Publically Fighting with the American Society of Nephrology
WASHINGTON, DC - The American College of Cardiology (ACC) is currently refusing to talk to the American Society of Nephrology (ASN). Sources say the fight rekindled at a medical mixer when the ASN thought the punch bowl needed...
Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction
OAK BROOK, IL - Beloved clown mascot Ronald McDonald has suffered another heart attack this morning, and was taken to Oak Brook Medical Center for emergent management, McDonald's President and CEO Steve Easterbrook has...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest pain “like a human sitting on my chest,” with radiation...
Labile Guidelines: ACC/AHA Hypertension Cutoff Now 180/100
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last month, several societies including the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and American Heart Association (AHA) redefined hypertension as greater than 130 mmHg systolic or 80 mmHg diastolic. However, a repeat...
Interventional Radiologist Uses Dental Floss, Chewing Gum to Fix Broken Pipe in Kitchen Sink
NEW YORK, NY - Newly-minted interventional radiology attending Dr. Marcus Jones scored a personal victory today when he successfully mended a leaking pipe leading to his kitchen sink using only dental floss and chewing...
Breaking: Nurse Successfully Resuscitates CPR Dummy Back to Human Life
NEW ORLEANS, LA - In some incredible news, critical care nurse Margie Casamento at Tulane Medical Center became the first health care practitioner to successful resuscitate a CPR dummy (or CPR manikin) back to human life....
To Capture More Cardiology Viewers, Jake Tapper Renames Show to “The 12-Lead”
ATLANTA, GA - In an attempt to attract a higher percentage of the much-desired cardiology demographic, producers and the host of "The Lead" Jake Tapper have renamed their CNN newscast to "The 12-Lead."
"Viewership among cardiologists and...
Declining Lipitor Sales Prompt Revision of Cholesterol Guidelines Yet Again
CHICAGO, IL - In response to an unexpected 3 percent reduction in both Lipitor and Crestor sales, the American Cardiac Association (ACA) and American College of Cardiologic Heart Physicians (ACCHP) have established the 4th...
