We all know about performing CPR to The Bee Gees’ Stayin’ Alive. That got us thinking: Maybe we should think of songs for other clinical scenarios. Next time any of the following situations come up, consider singing these tunes aloud. And please feel free to share any other clinical scenarios & songs that pair well together!
Your patient…
… asks for a chaplain: Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer”
… asks for double portions: Neko Case’s “People Got a Lotta Nerve”
… asks you for pain medication again: Aerosmith’s “Dream On”
… asks you for pain medication again and you oblige: The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again”
… develops delirium tremens (DTs): Brad Paisley’s “Alcohol”
… develops heart failure after a major holiday: Zac Brown Band’s “Chicken Fried”
… finally gets placed in a nursing home or rehab after several weeks: Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”
… has a fever: Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”
… has a more exciting life than you: Metallica’s “Sad But True”
… has an atrial or ventricular septal defect: Extreme’s “Hole Hearted”
… has an aortic dissection: Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn”
… has been denied by 50 rehab facilities: Grateful Dead’s “I Need a Miracle”
… has delusional parasitosis: Dave Matthews Band’s “Ants Marching”
… has miosis & respiratory depression: The Velvet Underground’s “Heroin”
… has pretty foul-smelling C. diff: Britney Spears’ “Toxic”
… has profuse hemoptysis, hematemesis, or hematuria: Slayer’s “Raining Blood”
… is cussing you out: Aretha Franklin’s “Respect”
… is cussing you out and now it’s pissing you off: Cee Lo Green’s “F**k You”
… is diagnosed with Fournier’s gangrene: Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Great Balls of Fire”
… is diagnosed with hemochromatosis: Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man”
… is diagnosed with something that ends in -ella, like Salmonella: Rihanna’s “Umbrella”
… is diagnosed with sporotrichosis: Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”
… is discharged: Ray Charles’ “Hit the Road Jack”
… is having pseudoseizures: Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”
… is hypoglycemic: Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
… is hypotensive: Toots and the Maytals’ “Pressure Drop”
… is kind of sketch: Radiohead’s “Creep”
… is leaving against medical advice (AMA): LeAnn Rimes’ “How Do I Live (Without You)?”
… is markedly deconditioned: Maroon 5’s “Never Gonna Leave This Bed”
… is meeting you for the first time: Eminem’s “My Name Is…”
… is named Jeremy: Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy”
… is not doing well and you need some support: The Beatles’ “Help”
… is not doing well but you got this: Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger”
… is off the floor so you can’t write a progress note: Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”
… is on pain medications and high: Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”
… is on pain medications and zonked: The Ramones’ “I Wanna Be Sedated”
… is one of ten straight admissions in the past one hour: The Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows”
… is pregnant: Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”
… is pregnant then gives birth on July 4th: Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.”
… is reasonable, nice, and cooperative: Etta James’ “At Last”
… is on the ventilator: The Police’s “Every Breath You Take”
…. is seen by infectious diseases: Monty Python’s “Medical Love Song”
… is tachycardic, has rhabdomyolysis, but denies drug use: Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine”
… is the closest thing you’ve had to a date in months: Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonely I Could Cry”
… is way more pleasant than your colleague’s patient: Garth Brooks’ “Friends in Low Places”
… just pushed a button that not many can press: Disturbed’s “Down with the Sickness”
… keeps refusing stuff and you’ve had it: Alabama Shakes’ “Don’t Wanna Fight”
… might have multiple personalities: De La Soul’s “Me, Myself and I”
… needs a medication STAT: Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It”
… needs a sitter: Heart’s “Alone”
… needs an arthrocentesis, thoracentesis, paracentesis, or spinal tap: Nirvana’s “Drain You”
… says “Thank you” and means it: Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You”
… shows you their infected pannus: Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy”
… suffers from pica or hypothermia: Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby”
… treats you like crap, then you run into your boss: Johnny Paycheck’s “Take This Job and Shove It”
… walks around in their hospital gown with the backside untied: Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”
… won’t stop talking and talking, so you intubate them: No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak”
… works with physical therapy: The Bangles’ “Walk Like an Egyptian”
… works with speech therapy: Joan Baez’s “The Swallow Song”
